Waiting to Exhale
by Twilightish
Summary: Bella Swan-Newton is a working mother and wife. Dissatisfied with her life, she suffers knowing that her husband has been unfaithful to her for years. Meanwhile, Edward Cullen has joined the company where she works. Will she get that 2nd chance at life?
1. It Hurts Like Hell

This is my first attempt at writing a fic. I want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, MFAB (My-Fake-Ass-Beta), **Oh****HereKittyKitty**. You know who you are girl!!! I love you to death, and without you I would have never had the courage to do this. xoxoxo.

**Full Summary: Bella Swan-Newton is a working mother and wife to Mike Newton. She is extremely dissatisfied with her life and struggles with the knowledge that her husband has been unfaithful to her for years. Meanwhile, a new employee has joined the company where Bella works, Edward Cullen, a widower who is new in town. Will Bella get the second chance at life she has been hoping for?**

**DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the one and only Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing. I simply live vicariously through her books.**

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_"_L_ove was always supposed to be_

_Something wonderful to me_

_To watch it grow inside yourself_

_To feel your heart beside itself_

_Sometimes it hurts to love so bad_

_When you know you've given all you can_

_Sometimes it hurts to even laugh_

_You do your best but it's still much too bad_

_Sometimes the pain is just too much_

_And it hurts like hell_

_That's the way it feels__"_

Aretha Franklin, "It Hurts Like Hell"

***BPOV***

What is left in a relationship after the trust is gone? I was asking myself that this morning as I absentmindedly pulled into the parking lot at work. This is how it has been lately for me. I wake up in the morning, get my daughter ready for school, drop her off, then proceed with the 15 minute drive to work that I hardly even notice anymore. The same routine every single day. Will things ever change for me? Is there anything better out there for me? Do I even deserve anything better?

My internal rambling was interrupted by a loud knock on the driver side window of my suburban wife minivan.

"Hey! Get inside girl, you're going to be late!" nagged the voice on the other side of my window.

I jumped, startled by the sound of her heavy knocking, and rolled my eyes at Alice once I saw it was her interrupting my daydreaming. Huh? Can it really be called that? Daydreaming? I mean I wasn't actually dreaming. Dreaming would entail some kind of fantasy or wish fulfillment that would offer me some kind of escape from this fiasco called my life. But this wasn't dreaming. This was, was, oh, I don't even know what it was. Was I reflecting or was I just deep in thought?

I let out a deep sigh and brought up my hand gesturing to Alice to wait for me. I gathered my purse and my iPhone, killed the engine and let myself out of the van. All these steps in perfect sequential order. Exactly as I did them every single God damn day.

"Are you okay hun?" asked Alice with a concerned look on her face. Poor Alice. She has been my rock through it all. The one friend I could count on and could tell all my horror stories to.

"Well, you know, just thinking about...stuff," I said almost coming out of me like a mumble under my breath.

Alice gave me that look. That knowing make-me-feel-like-shit look that screamed, "What are you doing with that fucker?!" She crossed her arms and said, "Oh, more 'stuff' from the asswipe?"

"Alice!" I reprimanded and narrowed my eyes at her. I knew she didn't like him but sometimes she went a bit overboard with the insults.

"What?" she shrieked, "Don't tell me he doesn't deserve every single one of the insults I've given him."

I sighed, "I know Alice, but he IS my husband and the father of my child."

"Yes, but the man cheats on you and treats you like crap. How long are you gonna let this go on?" said Alice while narrowing her eyes at me.

I didn't answer. What could I possibly say to her? She was completely right and every single bone in my body knew it. Yet I had chosen to ignore the fact that my husband has been cheating on me for years, that he possibly had a completely separate existence with this woman and probably even owned a separate house with her. Jessica. That was her name. I knew that fucking slut's name from the numerous times I've caught him secretly talking to her while he was in the bathroom thinking I was asleep in the other room. All the additional telltale signs were there, too. As if I needed them. The supposed late office meetings, the lipstick on the shirt collar, the supposed business trips to every odd location possible, the women's perfume draped all over his clothes, plus all the other things that have been happening in the last few days that are just too painful to think about right now. All the signs pointed to one thing, and it was not good. It was just too fucking obvious to ignore anymore and anyone from the outside looking in, as was the case with Alice, could see the painful truth.

But I was not an outsider looking in. This was happening to ME, on the inside. It was me who saw the pity written all over people's faces as they saw me play the part of the good ol' wifey, while Mike lived a double life. It was me who felt unloved and humiliated every second of this wretched life. It was me who was completely afraid of leaving Mike for fear of what it would do to our daughter. Childhood memories of the fights between my parents, Charlie and Renee, resurfaced anytime I considered the possibility of leaving Mike. What would Nessie think? I remember how much it hurt me when my mother left Charlie and it would sure crush Nessie as well. She was only seven years old but she was a very smart little girl. She would ask questions, and I'll be damned if I'm going to tell her the things that her father has done. I just can't bring myself to let the story repeat itself.

I sat down at my desk and got ready for another workday. Another day of mindless entering, approving, and denying insurance claims. It was a job great for those that wanted to just keep busy, but I wanted more than that. I wanted excitement, I wanted adventure. Right out of high school I wanted to go to college and have a career, but instead I married young and got knocked up, the two things Renee had warned me about. What's done was done and here I am years later with a dysfunctional marriage and a dead-end job. If there is one thing I do not regret, the only thing that keeps me going, is having my wonderful baby girl. She is my perfect angel. My gift from God for having endured so much. She is my reward.

I was snapped out of my reverie by the all too familiar sound of Emmett's booming voice wishing his team, of which I was a part of, a good morning. Emmett, my manager, was an alright guy. He started with this company from the bottom and worked his way up, and contrary to what most people believe, it is not because he is dating the owner's daughter and possibly the most beautiful woman in the world, Rosalie. Emmett was the one guy in here you can be sure was an upstanding and hard-working man. The fact that he is dating Rosalie doesn't ruffle any feathers here. This company is actually quite relaxed about any policy involving coworkers dating each other. I guess now that Rosalie and Emmett are a couple, they don't even have any grounds to frown upon. As a result, it's common to see office romances and relationships between coworkers, such as in the case of my best friend Alice, who is dating a very nice guy from the mail room. Jasper.

"...and let's all have a quick meeting in the conference room. I have an important announcement I need to make," said Emmett while walking down the narrow office hallway making sure to sneak a quick peek in to each one of our 4 x 4 cubicles to assure himself that we had all arrived to work on time.

Completely uninterested in what Emmett had to say, I fought to fake a smile while picking up my notepad and a pen. I marched into the conference room, grabbing the chair closest to the door so that I could be the first one out the door once Emmett excused us. I watched as my co-workers walked in one by one and took the seats closest to the front. Sigh. Why do they do that? Do they insist on making me look bad? The last thing I needed right now was to get written up on the grounds of not being one of their fucking team players. I swear if I wasn't so efficient and good at my job, as I have been told by management that I was, I would have been fired months ago. I was sure the only thing keeping me here was my high number of processed claims and my seniority, because it sure wasn't my enthusiasm.

I watched as Alice walked in and took the seat next to mine. She knew I was not having a good day and wasn't feeling up to the task of kissing the boss' ass. She smiled at me and patted my knee, a gesture of encouragement.

"Ladies, are you going to join the rest of us?" asked Emmett with an irritated look on his face.

"Oh, but we're only sitting back here because we can usually get a better view of your presentations from the back row. The glare that comes off the white wall and the light of the projector is just terrible when you sit up front. We can hardly see anything from up there." Alice rationalized.

Wow Alice. How does she pull this shit out of her so fast? She is definitely a much better liar than I am. The angelic look on her face would convince even the most incredulous person into thinking that she was being genuinely honest. Emmett, of course, bought it and grinned so wide that I thought I could actually see his wisdom teeth. Emmett loved attention and Alice always humored his every little attempt at being the _cool _boss. Emmett nodded and began speaking.

"I know that we have been short staffed and the workload keeps increasing. I am fully aware that when Demetri left the company the work he left had to be distributed evenly between all of you. I've had talks with HR about getting someone in here to take the position and I am very pleased to report that we have found someone," as Emmett said those last few words, a collective "_Ahhh"_ could be heard throughout the room. Seriously?! It had been months since Demetri left and just now they figured out that they needed somebody? What. The. Fuck?

Emmett continued speaking, "Okay, okay, calm down folks. Here's the deal. My brother has relocated to New York from Washington state, where we're originally from. He's very familiar with the industry and the position has been offered to him. I believe that he will be a great asset to the company and so does the rest of management. He is ready to start as early as tomorrow and will need to start training right away so that he can start taking some of the workload off of you guys as soon as possible. Which brings me to my next point, I need a volunteer to train him."

Oh this was just abso-fucking-lutely great! A new guy that needed training. Just what we needed. On top of all the work we had to do, now we had the burden of training a new employee. Were they seriously going to give us more work?!

That's when I heard Emmett call out, "Bella? Did you hear what I said?" I looked up and saw Emmett and the entire room turned to look at me. Fuck! Was I daydreaming again? What was wrong with me? It's like I couldn't hold it together for at least ten minutes anymore without going off into la-la land.

Alice, of course, saved my pathetic ass once again and spoke up, "You training the new guy is a great idea, Bella. You know this business up and down and if we want him to get up to speed the same way that Demetri was, he needs to be trained by the best, and baby that's you!" She winked at me with the eye that was not visible to Emmett. Of course, I got the hint that this was her way of turning the attention away from the fact that I wasn't paying attention to what Emmett was saying and that she was also clueing me in on what the conversation was about.

"Sure. You are absolutely right," I said hoping that this was a satisfactory answer.

"It's settled then. Bella will be training my brother Edward. He will start tomorrow and will sit in Demetri's old cubicle, which conveniently enough, is the cubicle right next to Bella's. You can all go back to work now and let's all have a very productive day," Emmett said before marching out of the room faster than I could think about it. This was my cue to bolt out of there, but Alice caught me by the arm and I settled back down. Once everyone was out of the room, Alice turned to look at me with a very concerned expression.

"Honey, I know you've got a lot of personal shit going on right now, but you've got to snap out of it. Did something else happen with Mike that you haven't told me yet?" Alice said while attempting to comfort me.

Her words caused me to weaken and I felt the dam of emotions I had built up lose some of its effectiveness. I felt the familiar sting in my eyes and the tears I've been trying to fight back gave in and poured out. "She's been calling me!" I blurted out louder than I had meant to. My voice breaking.

"What?! That _bitch_ is calling you?" Alice said while gnashing her teeth.

"Yes. She keeps calling in the middle of the night while Mike is supposed to be away at some conference. I can hear Mike's voice in the background calling to her and I hear her answer back. I think that she must dial my number while he is not looking and then leave the phone off the hook so that I can hear him making love to her. I know it must be her calling because there is no fucking way he would be stupid enough to pull that shit." I felt my heart physically throb with pain while I said every single one of those words.

"I...I am _so_ sorry Bella," Alice visibly struggled with saying those words. "Have you said anything to Mike about this? Have you confronted his ass?"

"I have, but he just dismisses it and somehow it turns into how I'm being possessive and overly jealous and just insecure. Then very skillfully he turns the tables and suddenly I'm the bad guy here and I just don't give him any room to breathe. Tell me Alice, when did I become such a coward? I wasn't always like this. You remember the old me don't you?" I said as traitor tears streamed down my face.

"Oh Honey!" Alice said while stretching her arms out to hug me. I hugged my friend tight. Very tight. I needed to vent and Alice was always the one who comforted me whenever I needed it. Alice knew more about what was going on in my life than anyone else. I didn't trust my own mother with the information I trusted Alice with.

"Mail Call!" I heard Jasper call out. Jesus Fucking Christ. He scared the shit out of me.

"Hey Baby!" Alice answered as she got up and walked to stand next to Jasper by the conference room door. They looked at each other so lovingly it gave me a glimpse of how it was like for Mike and I at the beginning. I can't remember the exact moment in which our relationship had turned into one of animosity and torment, but that's exactly how we had ended up.

I started wiping the tears off my face when Jasper said, "Hey, I'm sorry if I interrupted something important. I can come back."

"Don't be silly," I said and I think I actually managed to smile at him. "I'm fine, it's just girl stuff. Don't you worry, go. I know you guys take your breaks together. _Go. Go._" I said while shooing them away with a wave of my hand.

Alice's expression turned somber. I knew what she was thinking. She was feeling sorry for putting her boyfriend's needs before mine, and this of course, just made me feel worse. I couldn't possibly ask any more of her. She has been there for me always. I had no right to interfere and cut into her quality time with the man she loved.

"Are you sure Bella? I mean, our conversation isn't over," Alice said while hanging on to Jasper's arm.

"Oh yeah!" I dismissively waved my hands at her again. "We can talk tonight. I'll call you. I really don't think we can talk here. Plus I've got to get up to date with my work so tomorrow I'll have time to train the new guy."

I think I saw relief in Alice's face when she said, "OK, but if you need anything, just let me know, 'kay?"

"Sure. Sure," I sniffed.

"Okay" Alice and Jasper said in unison. They both turned and headed out to the hallway leaving me in the conference room alone with my thoughts and my misery.

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***EPOV***

A new beginning. I have traveled 3,000 miles for a new beginning. I kept telling myself that as I got ready for my first day at a new job. Long gone are the days of picket fences, large houses, and wide open green areas. It is time now to start over in this lofty apartment, in New York City of all places. This will take some getting used to, but Emmett insisted that the hustle and bustle this place had to offer was the best thing for me.

I was never a fan of the urban life. Tanya and I always wanted to settle down as far away from the noise as possible. The closest thing to a city we had been to was Seattle, where we had to go for her weekly chemo treatments, and when I lost her I vowed to stay the hell away from there. Forks was much more our pace. It was a place where I didn't have to worry about turning on the 7 o'clock news and hear about someone's kid being raped or someone's wife being chopped off into pieces. I loved how Forks was so green. Its foliage so abundant. It was was a haven away from the urban choas. It allowed me the peace and tranquility I needed to grieve her. These last 3 years have been hard on me, but I've managed to live on, though not necessarily move on.

I still thought of Tanya everyday. Even though we never had the opportunity to have children, we had a very special and close relationship. We were inseparable. I'd like to think that we were soul mates. The day she was taken away from me, I thought I would die with her. I was so grief stricken and became so self-destructive that my family and friends became increasingly worried. Excessive drinking and sleeping around with random women became my outlet. I needed a way to numb the pain and yearning I felt for Tanya. I couldn't understand why, why she had to be diagnosed with cancer and be taken away prematurely from me like that. We had so many plans and hopes for our relationship. For five years our marriage was bliss.

Needless to say, losing Tanya has scarred me like first degree burns. The cicatrices in my soul rooted deep within. I can no longer see women the same way because I am always trying to compare them to her. It comes as no surprise that for the last 3 years I haven't been able to hold any kind of _relationship_ with a woman, other that one-night stands or the week-long fuck-a-thons I had with some of them. Having women available to me hasn't ever been a problem since apparently women think I'm a pretty good looking guy. I guess I have been blessed with good genes and on top of that I like to work out quite a bit, so my body is quite toned. Women obviously like that sort of thing, not that I mind in the least bit.

I like women, and when I say that I like women, I mean I like them _a lot_. When I became a widower, women in my hometown would not waste any opportunity to "comfort" me. My experiences with that have been sort of odd, like for example, the time that my neighbor Kate thought it would be "comforting" to let me bang her on my kitchen floor. She showed up all Betty-fucking-Crocker-like with the excuse that she was going to bake me a berry cobbler pie. Of course, what ended up happening was that I was the one doing the baking, she ended up being the oven, and what came out was not necessarily pie. Now who am I to turn down a nice gesture like that? Plus I just couldn't resist all that "comfort" between her thighs.

Having this plethora of woman at my disposal was how I coped with my loss. Women became a kind of drug that I needed to have on a regular basis. It was my means of escape from the void I felt deep inside of me. I was very careful though not to give the woman in question any false hopes or ideas that I may want to share with her anything other than a one night stand.

I had many of those such nights in which I would romance a woman while trying to make it clear that I had no intentions of pursuing her further. Surprisingly though, these women didn't seem to mind being used that way. I meant no disrespect to them whatsoever, and if they didn't mind, I wasn't going to feel guilty either. It was just easier this way for me, to have easy, unaccountable sex with these women, because no matter how many of them I slept with, the insatiable emptiness would grow deeper and deeper. So deep in fact, that I wondered if I would ever be able to climb out of it.

As I parked my SUV in the underground parking lot at Hale Inc., a feeling of panic washed over me as I tried to collect my thoughts. The realization that I would be starting a new life at a new city finally hit me right then and there. I couldn't afford to mess up like I did back in Washington. My excessive drinking and womanizing only got me into trouble back there and Emmett had given me this chance to start over. I couldn't disappoint him after he went out on a limb for me. I remember when my father Carlisle had to fly to Washington to bail me out of jail and smooth things over after I punched the sheriff in the face. His nose broken and bloody after he confronted me about sleeping with his wife. I personally had nothing against the guy and had no intentions of hurting him by banging his wife, but Mrs. Yorkie was pretty convincing when I found her in my bed naked, one day when I got home from work. After that it was no secret she was cheating on him. She made it pretty obvious by the constant way she stalked me like a scene out of F_atal __A__ttraction_.

I walked in the door and the first thing I noticed was the receptionist at the front desk. Boy, she looked exactly like that Fran Drescher chick on that TV show where she plays a nanny. Humongous hair, long nails, and yes, she was actually chewing gum. Now all she needed was the annoying nasally voice coupled with the New York accent, and she could be her doppelganger.

"Hiiiii and welcome to Hale Inc. How may I help you?" _the __nanny_ asked me with, yes, you guessed it, an annoying, nasally, New York accent.

"Yes, um, hi. My name is Edward Cullen. Today is my first day here," I responded.

"Oh. Ohhhh, yes, yes. I know who you are. You are Emmett's brother, aren't you? I can see the resemblance," she responded while adding a sound that could have either been a giggle or a goat bleating. I wasn't entirely sure which it was.

"Yes. That's me. Can you call him for me please? Just tell him I am here," I said.

"Sure hun," she said. She picked up the phone and noticeably starting dialing. Next thing I heard was "Hiii Emmett...yeah, yeah, he's here...uh huh...uh huh...okay dahling...uh huh...I will have him wait for you...byeee."

She hung up the phone then gestured for me to take a seat. While I waited, I discreetly noticed how she would vehemently chew her gum and blow out rather large gum bubbles, the resulting popping sounds sending shivers up my spine.

"Yo! Edward!" I heard Emmett cry out as he entered the reception area. The emotion taking over his features.

I promptly got up and rushed over to my brother, whom I had not seen in years. We shared an overdue brotherly hug while _the __nanny_ watched us. I broke the hug first.

"God Edward! It's so good to see you. It's been such a long time," said my colossal brother.

"It has. A _very_ long time. Since, well, the funeral," I answered, while recognizing that he word _funeral_ came out as almost a whisper.

"Yeah, that's right," thoughtfully replied Emmett, "but, the past is the past and this is now your present." Emmett turned around to face _the __nanny_and said, "Oh, I see you've met our receptionist, Fran."

No. Fucking. Way. Her name was actually Fran? I wanted to burst out laughing right then and there. The only thing stopping me was the realization that this was my first day on the job and I didn't want to get on the bad side of anyone here, especially not the one whose face will probably be the first I see every morning.

"Yes. Hi Fran," I said to _the __nanny_-, err, I mean, to Fran and she promptly giggled, or bleated. I still wasn't sure which one.

"Well, come on bro. Let's get you started," said Emmett while gesturing for me to follow him.

I followed him inside. The office interior a typical cubicle grid. Emmett continued down the hallway and entered an office, which I assumed was his. Once inside he gestured for me to take a seat.

"Bro, you have no idea how happy I am that you're here, you crazy motherfucker," said Emmett while swiveling his fancy chair around.

"Uh huh. Oh, I'm sure you are." I narrowed my eyes. His childish spinning driving me crazy. "Would you stop it with the fucking chair?"

"Whoa, whoa! Now you can't talk to me like that. Remember? I'm your boss now," Emmett snickered.

"Whatever man! Look I promised I wasn't gonna fuck this up, and I'm not going to, so stop dicking around," I said, sneering.

"All right, all right. Take it easy man." Emmett laughed in his customary booming fashion, inciting a grin out of me.

We conversed for a while, catching up on all the new happenings in both our lives. When we ran out of things to talk about, Emmett looked at his wrist watch.

"Oh shit! Look at the damn time. I totally lost track. Look bro, I'm going to call this chick that's going to train you. Her name is Isabella, but we just call her Bella, alright?" said Emmett. He picked up the phone and dialed who I assumed was this Bella. We waited not more than a minute while I nervously adjusted on the chair.

...and that's when she walked in...

The diminutive beauty before me a sight to relish. She was very petite. Gorgeous from top to bottom. She had long, dark brown hair that stood out because of the contrast it made with the color of her skin. Her complexion a translucent ivory. She looked like a porcelain doll that should be adorning a very expensive toy store's window display. Her eyes were the color of her hair, a brown color whose depth provided a window into her soul. Their shape a perfect almond. The eyebrows that arched over them thick, but perfectly shaped. Her nose was tiny and delicate and her lips, oh my holy mother of Jesus! Her lips were full and beautifully shaped, a hint of lipgloss bringing out their natural pink.

There was something else about her that caught my eye. A small mole above her upper left lip made her seem very exotic, with the beauty mark to prove it. How Cindy Crawford of her. My eyes scanned her further. She was wearing a light blue tunic dress that complemented her curvy figure. That hot little number didn't hang on her body, but rather it followed its luscious lines. A wide belt cinching her miniature waist and accentuating her voluminous chest. A black pair of unadorned flats on her miniscule feet.

I stood up to greet her and Emmett followed. Bella locked eyes with me and suddenly I felt warm. Wait, not warm. I felt hot. I was feverous. She nervously ran one hand through her hair. Never breaking eye contact with me, she started walking toward me. I felt a knot in my throat that countered my attempt at putting two words together. She was a beautiful specimen. Her beauty and simplicity a very interesting paradox.

Two things seemed to happen simultaneously in the few seconds it took Bella to reach Emmett and me. The first thing I noticed was that my body physically responded, including the twitch of my dick, to every single one of the movements her hips made while she walked. The second thing I noticed was the disapproving look that Emmett was giving me while I salivated over this woman.

When she finally crossed the distance between the door and where I was standing, she extended her hand, attempting to shake mine. I took her minute hand in mine and lightly shook it. The gesture sending electricity coursing through my already shaken body.

"Hello Edward. I'm Bella. Welcome to Hale Inc." she said.

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**A/N: That's it for chapter 1. Hope you liked it and can give me some reviews. I will update weekly. :D**


	2. Sittin' Up In My Room

I didn't think I'd make it to chapter 2, but here I am. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and basically just all of you who took time out of their busy lives to read my little experiment here and humor me.

Again, I thank from the bottom of my heart my MFAB (My-Fake-Ass-Beta), **Oh****HereKittyKitty**. --_inside joke_. Girl, you are an angel and a damn good friend. Love you so much . xoxoxo.

**Warning: The last chapter was pretty innocent, but on this one I exercised my write to "Lemon" *hint hint***

**DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the one and only Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing. I simply live vicariously through her books.**

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_How can one be down, tell me where to start _

_Cause everytime you smile, I feel tremors in my heart _

_I have but one concern, how can I get with you _

_'Til my day comes, here's what I'm gonna do. _

_Be sittin up in my room _

_Back here thinkin' 'bout you _

_I must confess I'm a mess for you _

_Be sittin' up in my room _

_Back here thinkin' 'bout you _

_I'm just a mess with a thing for you _

Brandi, "Sittin' Up In My Room"

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***BPOV***

I walked through the threshold not expecting what I encountered on the other side. As I saw him rise from his chair, all of my senses awoke. Every inch of my body pulling me towards this unknown man-cake, as if he possessed a gravitational pull over me. Like he was my sun and I was his planet, needing without choice to orbit around him in order to survive. Vigilantly he watched as I moved toward him. Carefully he scanned me with his sea-green colored eyes, so green I thought I could lose myself in them as if they were an underwater mystic world.

The sight before me was so awe-inspiring that it caused me to nervously run my hand through my loose hair not knowing what else to do. I noticed him switch his focus from my face on to my body. Was he checking me out? It can't be. This man was way too perfect to have any interest in _me_. Even his body looked perfect, that is, from what I could see from outside his clothes. He was tall and beautiful. He wore a pair of beige slacks that perfectly contoured his manly lower body. God I wish I could pinch those buns of steel!

Okay Bella, CALM. THE. FUCK. DOWN. Alright, so he was the best looking man you have ever seen in your life. So what? This man was your new co-worker that, remember, you will have to train, so get over all the horniness and concentrate on your job before you lose it. I extended my hand, offering it to him. When he took it my world stopped. I literally felt my heart rate slow down at the feeling of his warm hand holding mine. I took a deep breath attempting to collect my thoughts, and my actions.

"Hello Edward. I'm Bella. Welcome to Hale Inc.," I said.

"Hi," he said, almost as a whisper. His sensuous voice stimulating every auditory nerve. "I'm Edward Cullen. It's nice to meet you."

I smiled at him like a school girl at prom. I kept feeling the electricity coursing up my arm and through my body. That's when I looked down and noticed that he was still holding my hand. I looked up and saw him look at me with a sly smile on his perfect, desirable lips. I flushed at the sight of his smirk.

Emmett cleared his throat, breaking my concentration. "Well I guess no introductions are needed anymore. Bella, can you take Edward on a quick tour of the company so that he knows who everyone is and then get started with the training?" he said.

I promptly removed my hand from Edward's grasp and turned around to face Emmett, instantly feeling the abrupt disconnect. Emmett's eyes were darting back and forth between Edward and me, a puzzled expression on his face. I nervously took my hands and ran them down my dress, attempting to straighten myself out. I suddenly felt dirty as if I just had sex with this man right then and there, which I, in my mind, totally was.

I took Edward on a quick tour of the company, introducing him to the entire staff. Edward politely introduced himself to all and seemed genuinely glad to meet everyone. The entire time we walked the halls together, our bodies seemed to want to fuse, an unexplainable force pulling us together. Why was I feeling this way when I didn't even know this man?

When the tour was over, I asked him to follow me to my cubicle and then had him pull up a chair to sit next to me, a task he seemed more than eager to complete. I braced myself for what I was sure would prove to be a very trying day. It was hard enough to maintain my composure and stay professional while this hunk of a man looked at me like I was dinner. I tried to push all the naughty thoughts aside and got back down to business.

"I can tell you really know your stuff. How long have you been working here?" he asked, interrupting the training.

"Uh, well, I've been here for 5 years," I answered, and immediately turned my attention back to the computer where I was showing him what we do on a daily basis.

"Ahh, I see. You must really like it here then to be here for that long," Edward stated rather than asked and completely ignored my attempt to continue the lesson.

"Uhhh, yeah," I said while giggling nervously. I knew it was important to stop talking to him like I didn't know he was flirting and take the bull by the horns. "Look. Emmett gave me an outline to follow of things he wanted me to cover each day with you so that he can make sure that you are taught everything you need to know to work here. We got a late start today, so let's get through these lessons first before we do any socializing, okay?"

Upon hearing those words, Edward stiffened. Did I make him uncomfortable by saying those things? I only said that we needed to get to work. I wasn't insulting him or anything. I hope I wasn't too rough.

I sighed, "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come off as a hard-ass on your first day and all. I just want to do my job right. Plus it's almost lunchtime and we haven't really covered anything yet," I reiterated.

Edward relaxed a little and smiled. Damn, the boy had a nice smile! He could practically blind someone with those pearly whites. He looked beautiful in abso-fucking-lutely every way.

"Well you know," he said, his upper lip curled up in a smirk, "I _am_ new in town and really don't know my way around. You should really be a good co-worker and take me out to lunch you know."

I couldn't help but smile at his little attempt at nonchalantly asking me out on a lunch date. Everything about him was captivating, down to the suave way he had of talking. I almost said okay when I remembered what my situation was. I was a married woman, _with a child_. I couldn't afford to let my imagination run wild and put myself in the path of temptation. This man, this _playboy_, would only cause me more problems than I already had. I didn't fucking need any more problems for God's sake!

"I'm sorry, but I already have plans for lunch," I abruptly answered, "Maybe you should tell your brother to take you out to lunch. I'm sure he knows the neighborhood pretty well."

"Oh, okay. Excuse me then," he said and lowered his head for a few seconds. When his gaze met mine again, his eyes weren't the same again. He was colder somehow. I knew I had offended him again, but this time I wasn't going to apologize. I needed it to be like this, cold and professional, between us. Come on! I'd rather him think I'm a cold hearted bitch than get any ideas that there was any chance of getting me into bed.

We cut the conversation there and got back to business. We went to lunch our separate ways then picked up right where we left off when we came back. The atmosphere around my little bubble was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I was insanely aware of the looks he was giving me. Fuck! He was practically undressing me with his eyes! I kept slipping and sometimes caught myself staring at his lips when he happened to have his head slightly lowered to take notes, a mistake he happened to catch me making, bringing a smirk to his already perfect face. That smooth son of a bitch! The hours seemed to pass by slower than ever as I silently prayed for the workday to come to an end.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_He threw me on the bed, the back of my head hitting the headboard and the sudden tinge of pain sending a shock through my body. He put one knee on the __edge __of the bed and placed both his palms on my thighs. With his long fingers, he slowly caressed the space in between them until my thighs opened up and gave __way to him__. His fingers slithered up my inner thigh until they found my pussy. I let out a soft moan as he pressed his thumb on my clit and gently agitated __it. __Complete lust clouded my judgement as I felt his firm hands caress the most sensitive part of my body. He rotated his hand while keeping his thumb on my clit and felt through__ my __folds __t__o find the opening. He slid his middle finger inside of me..._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The blaring of a car horn snapped me back into reality. The car in front of me swerved violently to avoid crashing into me. I nervously tried to regain control of my vehicle when I noticed that during my daydreaming I had inadvertently changed lanes and was driving the wrong way. I was able to successfully gain control back and get my van back into the correct lane. As the other driver passed me, he yelled something about stupid female drivers and gave me the middle finger salute. Fuck! I needed to get a grip. I had almost killed myself, and potentially others, over sexual fantasies with the new playboy at work.

I was still very shaken by the time I got home. I walked in to find Renee and Nessie watching cartoons in the living room. When Nessie saw me, she jumped off the couch and ran to me, embracing my legs into a tight hug. I picked her up and held her tightly to my chest, instantly feeling the wave of calmness the beating of her small heart caused me.

"Mama!" Nessie exclaimed while still hugging me, prompting me to hug her even tighter.

"Hey baby girl. How's my little princess?" I said to her while caressing her long curly locks.

"Fine mama. Daddy left, but grandma and me played lots of games," Nessie said, pointing to her grandmother who was sitting on the couch. I glanced over at Renee who was smiling while flipping TV channels with the remote.

"Hey mom. Where's Mike?" I asked her while putting Nessie back down on the floor.

"Oh he asked me to tell you that he had to leave for a conference upstate. He wanted to wait for you but didn't want to miss his plane. I tell you, that man works _so_ hard. You were so lucky to find a man like him. Such a family man," said Renee as she got up from the couch and got her things ready to leave.

"Yeah, I bet," I answered, rolling my eyes high as ever, "A total catch for a girl like me." The sarcasm in my tone completely apparent.

Renee sighed and shook her head. "Fine Bella, I'm not going down this road again with you. You would do good to hold on to Mike. Lord knows a responsible man is hard to find."

"Hard to find indeed," I said, sarcasm still in my voice.

"Well, I would love to stay here and chat, but I do have to go home," Renee said, mocking me.

I dismissively waved my hand at her. She picked up her things, kissed Nessie goodbye and left. I plopped myself down on the couch and mindlessly stared at the television. I didn't have the strength for this anymore. I was so tired of having these disagreements with my mother over Mike. I mean, she might as well adopt him and disown me. To her, Mike could do no wrong. She never saw him for who he really was.

I sat Nessie on the couch and got up to walk over to the kitchen to make some dinner. As I approached it, I heard the phone ring. I sped up and grabbed the phone that was inside of the kitchen.

"Hello," I said breathlessly from the quick jog to the phone.

"If you want to know where your husband will _really_ be tonight, come to Hotel 31 at around 8 o'clock so you can see for yourself," said a female voice before hanging up. The phone went dead in my hand and I lowered the receiver to look at it. What the hell? I picked up the phone again and dialed a familiar number, hoping I could still catch her before she got too far.

"Mom," I said, "I need you to come back to the house and take Nessie with you to stay the night. I have something extremely important I need to do."

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***EPOV***

What a bitch this woman was! Jesus fucking Christ. I was only trying to be nice to her. Okay, so maybe I flirted with her a little, and maybe I asked her out on a lunch date, but that was no reason for her to snap at me. If it hadn't been for the fact that she was completely and utterly beautiful, I may have forgotten that I was a gentleman.

Now, not only was she beautiful though, but she was also interesting. She was not appealing in the way that Hollywood actresses and socialites are. She had a natural allure that transcended makeup, hair, and all of that superficial crap. When I first saw her I was in awe. I had never been that initially attracted to a woman. I wanted her in my bed in that instant.

When she gave me her hand to shake, I could feel electricity between us. I had not felt that in a long time, not since Tanya, only the connection between us felt purely sexual. I immediately got flashes of how I wanted her spread out in every place imaginable. I wanted her so bad, my dick took over my better judgement, making me forget my promise to myself that I would not get into any more trouble concerning women.

Emmett told her to take me on a tour of the company. I trailed behind her just so. Enough so that I could get a good look at her fine ass as she graciously walked through the halls. Our bodies were like magnets, our polarities pulling us together. I was completely drawn to her and I couldn't explain this fascination. I was ready to throw the oath I made to myself out the window just for one night with this ethereal beauty, that is, until she opened her mouth.

I cannot remember the last time I was turned down. Even in my teen years I was the one who was doing the dumping. I could choose any girl I wanted and I could have her whenever I wanted. Girls practically threw themselves at me then, as women do the same now. The only time I didn't have more than one girl, was the time that I was with Tanya. I respected and loved Tanya too much to cheat on her, not that I didn't have any opportunities to do it.

Tanya went as far as breaking it off with her then best friend, Irina, because of me. Irina developed an unnatural fixation on me, following me around and coming on to me very aggressively. I was always very forthcoming with her and the fact that I was not interested in having an extramarital affair, but she didn't listen to reason. Things got worse with each time I rejected her, to the point that she had to check herself in to a clinic in order to get treatment and medication for her obsessive personality.

Here I am now, where I could start over, and the first woman I am attracted to basically tells me to fuck off? _Please!_ I could have any woman in this office that I set my eyes on, if I wanted it that way. I was quite aware of how most of the women in the office Bella introduced me to were eyeing me like I had a huge dick on my forehead, just like I was very aware of how I made Bella nervous and how she snuck some looks my way too. But _nooooo_, she was too good for me apparently, or so she thought.

I went to lunch with Emmett. I ordered a hell of a lot more food than I would normally eat and I chewed it angrily. Emmett didn't fail to notice my odd behavior and eyed me suspiciously. When it seemed like he couldn't take it anymore he grabbed his napkin from his lap, wiped his mouth with it, then threw it down on the plate. "What the fuck is wrong with you man? That bad on your first day?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Great idea assigning that woman to be my trainer. She hates my fucking guts man," I spat at him.

Emmett's expression changed from contempt to smug and he started laughing so hard I thought the entire restaurant would turn around and look at us. "It didn't look that way to me from that little scene I witnessed in my office this morning."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about man. She fucking hates me and I can't stand her," I said, the anger seeping out of my pores.

"Well man, I don't know why you say that. Bella is a really nice person. Everyone in the office likes her and I've never heard of anyone not getting along with her," said Emmett matter-of-factly.

At this point, I had decided to ignore Emmett's comments and continue "enjoying" my meal when he continued, "Plus, she seems to be having some family or personal problems lately. I accidentally overheard her and Alice talking one day about her husband being a dick or something like that. I just caught that part of the conversation, so I'm not sure, but just give her a break alright? She really _is_ a nice person."

My throat closed up and my food got caught in it. I started coughing out of control, choking in my own shock and outrage. Emmett got up from his chair and rushed to me to forcefully pat my back, trying to dislodge whatever obstruction was making my eyes bulge out of my head. I took my glass of water and drank it down faster than I thought I ever could.

"I'm okay man. I'm okay," I said once I was able to breathe again. Emmett stopped his futile attempt at saving my life and sat back down. "You know dumbass, you're supposed to approach the person that's choking from behind, grab them by the waist and thrust upward with your fist, not smack their back. It's a good fucking thing you don't have kids. Jeez!"

Emmett glared at me, "Fuck you man! That's the last time I try to save your worthless life. You ungrateful bastard!"

We both glared at each other and then as if on cue, we burst out laughing. We continued talking and eating until the hour was up. On the walk back to the office, I thought about what Emmett had said, about Bella having a husband. Maybe I was wrong about her. Maybe the reason she turned me down was because she was married and therefore unavailable.

Needless to say, I felt really guilty for judging her so harshly. When I got back to the office, she had that same cold attitude with me, so I let it go. Maybe it was better this way. She was extremely attractive and I wanted to fuck her badly, but if she was a married woman, I had no right to keep up my advances. You could feel the awkwardness between us the rest of the afternoon. It would have probably been easier to ignore it had it not been mutual, but I knew she at least found me attractive. I caught her looking at me a few times, glancing at me when she thought I wasn't looking. She was definitely checking me out. I, of course, couldn't keep my eyes off her her, except for the few times I took time out to take notes. I mean, just because she was married didn't mean I couldn't look at her. I was free to do with my eyes as I pleased wasn't I?

At the end of the day I had a planned formed in my mind. I would not make advances towards Bella and I would try my best not to undress her with my eyes. I could definitely respect the sanctity of the institution that is marriage, so I will see Bella strictly as my co-worker and nothing more. I will keep my dick in check and my hands to myself. That is what I intend to do and that's final.

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

_She stood in front of me completely naked, her long brown hair parted in the middle and each section tossed in front of her shoulders, covering each one of __her perfectly shaped breast__s. I sat there on the edge of the bed a__nd took in her beauty. My breath hitched as I suddenly found myself gasping at the marvel in front of me. She moved toward me much __like __sh__e had done the first time I saw her, causing my dick to twitch at the anticipation of __having her__. She stood in front of me and took my face in her__ petite __hand. She grabbed my chin and lifted my head up, forcing me to look into her eyes.__  
__  
__"Do you like what you see Edward?" she asked. Her eyes glistening from the soft outside light that came in through the window.__  
__  
__"Yes," I hissed. "I like it very much. I want you Bella. I want you bad."__  
__  
__My hands came up to the locks of hair that were covering her breasts and I tossed them aside. I took my thumb and index finger and I teased her pink, hard nipples for a bit. She moaned softly, sending vibrations through my entire body. I took my hands and cupped her tits. Her small frame conveniently placed them at level with my mouth__, __an advantage I was not planning on letting go to waste. I inclined my head forward and took a perked nipple in my mouth, tasting heaven. I flicked my tongue back and forth, causing her to emit the most sensual sound I have ever heard.__  
__  
__She closed her eyes and took both her hands and proceeded to slide them busily down her stomach and all the way down home where she started playing with her engorged clit. I let out a loud groan at the sight of her touching herself. She opened her eyes, smiled at me, then stopped. When I opened my mouth to protest, she took her wet finger and placed it on my lip, shushing me. The sweet smell of her wet pussy on her finger took me over and I opened my mouth to take in her finger, licking it clean. I could see her chest rapidly rising and falling. Her eyes wild with pleasure.__  
__  
__"Wait here," she said, then turned around and __slowly __w__alked towards the chair across from my bed. She sat on the chair, and slumped down __in __i__t. She spread her legs and lifted each one, one at a time, and hinged them on the arms of the chair, leaving her wet, slick pussy fully exposed to me. She took one hand and spread her folds revealing the hot pink color of her entire clit. She then __s__lipped her other hand from beneath her thigh and started rubbing her clit again__,__ causing me to groan even louder this time._

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

I woke up sweaty and sticky, my sheets sticking to my body like I was some kind of God damn pig in a blanket. I started to uncover myself when I saw it. My cum all over my boxers and sheets. What the hell was I, fifteen? I lay there for a moment trying to think back to last night and what could have caused this little mishap, and that's when I remembered my dream about Bella. Oh God, I am so royally _fucked!_

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**A/N:** So that's it for chapter 2. Thank you all so much for reading and please, please, please, write reviews (pretty please!). Reviews make me all soft and mushy inside ;) Don't forget to check out my blog to listen to the playlist that was the inspiration for this story. The URL can be found in my profile.


	3. How Could You Call Her Baby

Well here it is. Chapter 3. Hope you enjoy.

Thanks again all of you who have read my little fanfic and have encouraged me to keep going. A very, very special thanks to my beta, **OhHereKittyKitty**, who is like my fanfic guardian angel sent from above. Heart you hard girl.

**Lemon Law:** Yup, we got lemonade here, so don't let the kiddies read

**DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the one and only Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing. I simply live vicariously through her books.**

* * *

_How could you call her baby?_

_How could she be your lady?_

_Thought you were mine_

_Thought I was yours_

_How could you call her sweetheart?_

_How come you're breakin' my heart?_

_How could you be so wrong?_

_Shanna, "How Could You Call Her Baby"_

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***BPOV***

I don't know what possessed me to get my myself down to that hotel. Perhaps it was the way that female voice sounded on the other end of the line. Taunting me. Mocking me. Making a fool out of me. I decided I was entirely too much of a nervous wreck to drive myself midtown, so I took a cab instead. I gave the cabbie the name of the hotel and asked him to take the fastest route there. He complied, getting me there in under twenty minutes.

I was torturing myself the entire drive there, trying to think of exactly what I was going to do once I arrived. Was I supposed to just walk up to the reception desk and ask what room Mike Newton was staying in? Or was Jessica planning this whole thing so that I wouldn't have to work too hard to see what was going on? Once the cab arrived at my destination I was immediately shocked at the sight of the hotel. Its generic name, Hotel 31, had at first given me the impression that it was a cheap motel, but looking at it, you realize it is anything but. The upscale brick building held its own in the upper east side of New York, each of its rooms with its own private balcony with french doors leading out to them.

There must have been some pretty powerful forces at work that night because just as I was getting out of the cab, I caught sight of Mike and a blond woman, who I assumed was Jessica, arriving at the hotel entrance. They were holding on to each other, almost in an embrace, as they walked right through the front door. They were oblivious to the fact that I was watching them from just across the street. I stood there, still for a moment, trying to let my thoughts catch up to my nerves, because I had no fucking idea what I was supposed to do next. I felt a chill through my body that stiffened my bones. I extended my arms and noticed that I wasn't wearing anything but a flimsy t-shirt and sweatpants, and it was actually starting to get chilly outside. I looked behind me and noticed that there was a convenience store still open. I figured I was better off going in to warm myself up while I put my thoughts in order.

The convenience store smelled strongly of incense, causing my stomach to turn from the combination of the smell and the nervous feeling I already had. I walked in and stopped at the glass window overlooking the street, staying still for a few minutes watching the hotel entrance. I was focusing on the hotel when I heard the convenience store clerk ask me if I was okay, to which I answered that I was fine. The clerk nodded and turned his attention back to the customer at the counter. When I turned my head back to the window, one of the balconies caught my attention because I could clearly see the silhouettes of two bodies reflected behind the sheer white curtains of the french door. The silhouettes appeared to be a man and a woman. They were kissing, arms around each other in an embrace. The french door slowly opened and the two bodies stepped outside to the balcony, revealing who they truly were.

The man, clearly Mike at this point, kissed the blond woman, clearly Jessica, as she bent her head backwards exposing her neck. Mike dropped very tender kisses from her mouth all the way down to her neck, making Jessica quiver. It was the single most affectionate thing I had ever seen Mike do. He has never, _ever_, kissed me that way in all of our years of marriage. I stood there and watched as Mike seduced Jessica in ways he had never done with me, loving her with his mouth and hands, until they both retired back inside the room and turned off the lights.

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment it happened, but sometime during those few minutes I stared at that balcony from the safety of the inside of the convenience store, something delicate snapped inside of me. Maybe that something that snapped was what was left of my sanity because I felt my mind fold within itself, enveloped with the images of what I had just seen. I didn't feel like myself anymore, but a stranger taking over my mind and body. This stranger was very angry and bitter and wanted everyone responsible for making me feel this way to be held accountable. I felt the stranger shake my body, commanding me to snap out of it, and face those fucking bastards that were laughing at me from that fucking hotel room. At that moment, I sort of understood why crimes of passion are committed. Why, after loving someone for so long, you could literally let yourself destroy that person in a matter of minutes after having endured so much. The stranger inside of me threatened to take over and do unspeakable things to Mike and Jessica, things that I had never in my life even seen in movies.

The clerk called out to me again, making a gesture with his hand, signaling the tears streaming down my face and looking very concerned. The stranger within me took my shaking hands and angrily wiped the traitor tears from my face, the ones I was shedding in honor of the love I once felt for my husband. This asshole did not deserve my tears. He deserved nothing from me, _at all_, except the guarantee that I will make his life a living, tormenting hell. A plan formed in my head, and it was not to play the victim this time, as I had done for so many years. I briefly thought about going up there and facing Mike and Jessica, but what good would that do? The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that taking that course of action will only make me look like the pathetic jealous wife. I mean, really, how was I going to react once I got up there and Jessica answered the door with Mike in bed? Was I going to stab them to death? I really _should_, but that's not what a smart person would do. That's what a loser does right before going to prison. My plan didn't involve hurting anyone, at least not physically. I closed my eyes and the stranger within me flashed just one word in front of my closed eyelids. _**PAYBACK**_.

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

When I arrived home I thanked God that I had asked my mother to take Nessie for the night. I was definitely not in the right frame of mind to take care of her right now. I felt disturbed and agitated from all the anger coursing through my body, and I needed a vehicle to channel all those feelings through, and fast. I thought about the things that Mike loved the most, besides Nessie and his job, and how I could use that against him. I walked into his office and looked around. Mike was a freak when it came to his Yankees collection, as evident by the slew of memorabilia plastered on the office walls. He had autographed baseball bats, baseballs and pictures of the team players, all carefully framed and mounted on his "wall of fame" as he called it. As I took in his impressive collection, I thought about how much it would piss him off were it to be damaged or disappeared. I took matters into my own hands. The stranger within me took charge again and I marched down to my closet to secure a medium sized cardboard box and took it back to Mike's office. I proceeded to angrily take everything down from the memorabilia covered walls and placed Mike's treasured items into the box, feeling a weight off my shoulders with each item dropped in there.

Bernie Williams autographed baseball...check. Derek Jeter autographed baseball bat...check. Picture of the entire year two thousand team, signed by each of the players and the manager...check. Player autographed trading cards...check. All forcefully pulled from the wall and dropped into the cardboard box. I took my purse and I lifted the now heavy box and pushed it down the hall and into the elevator, closing the door behind me. I kicked the box a few times while the elevator descended, as if it was its fault that I was bitter and angry. Once I arrived at the ground floor, I pushed it a few more feet to the exit and hauled it down the street to throw it into my minivan's trunk.

As I closed the trunk, I noticed a few people walking down the street who were eying me suspiciously as if I was a lunatic. But hell if I cared...this is New York and people here just don't give a fuck if you're bleeding to death in front of their house. I walked to the front and climbed into the van, bringing the engine to life, and I pulled out of the very tight parallel parking space I was in. I drove a few miles downtown looking for a place to get rid of the evidence, then I saw it: the Salvation Army! This was the perfect place to drop the items that were my husband's pride and joy. I pulled into a parking spot I saw right in front. The place was closed since it was late at night, but that wasn't enough to stop me from carrying out my vengeance. I noticed they had a drop-box right next to the door, so I opened the mailbox-like opening, took one of the baseballs and dropped it inside, making a clanking noise against the hollow metal enclosure. I continued to throw each and every one of Mike's precious props into the drop box until my cardboard box was empty. My work here was done.

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

I got home and plopped myself down on the bed, crying my eyes out thinking of what I had witnessed a few hours ago. I couldn't get a grip on how to handle the situation. The influx of emotions I felt was rendering me emotionally handicapped and I could not see past the hurt. I felt split in two, as if my id and my superego were battling it out gladiator style.

My id, which I have come to call "the stranger within me", kept telling me to get even and hurt Mike with all my might. Get back at him for all the wrong he has done me. I called it a stranger because it exhumed emotions out of me that I had never felt before. Never in my life had I felt so much passion towards hurting someone. The last few hours have made me realize that I was capable of doing things I had never even imagined I had the will to do.

Yet I felt my superego, or conscience, also pulling me aside and reprimanding me because I was not a child anymore and I could not afford to act as if there were no consequences. I had to make a decision. Will I face Mike? Will I tell him that I saw him tonight at the hotel as he groped Jessica? The answer of course was no. I didn't have the guts. I didn't have the courage. I was just an angry, bitter woman with no nerve whatsoever. I was pathetic.

This line of thinking stirred the stranger within me even more. I thought I was going insane, like I was about to split into all these different personalities that I struggled to hold on to. I wrapped myself up with the sheets and assumed the fetal position, rocking back and forth trying to get a grip on my emotions. What had I done to deserve this? Why have I been forsaken? I felt as if I was about to have an anxiety attack. I untangled myself from the covers and climbed out of the bed, shaking incessantly, and rushing to the bathroom to get to the medicine cabinet.

I never took painkillers or any kind of medication, but Mike did. I made a futile attempt to find any kind of drug that would calm me the fuck down because I knew that I couldn't accomplish that on my own in the state that I was in. I couldn't find anything at all, just Tylenol and eye drops. I groaned in frustration and jetted to the closet, going through Mike's things to see what I could find. I maniacally pulled shirt and pant pockets out one by one. I came across a pair of pants that Mike hardly ever wore unless it was a special occasion. They were the pants I had bought him last year for his birthday. I knew he had worn them once when he packed it for one of his business trips and then had brought them back for laundering. I felt something inside one of the pockets I was searching, and when I pulled it out, I saw that it was a folded piece of paper. I looked at it for a few seconds before unfolding it, then I read its contents:

_I love you like no one else will. Looking forward to the day you will be free and we can finally be together to love one another as we both deserve. xoxoxo, Jessica._

It was at that moment I realized who, between my id and my superego, will win this internal battle. It occurred to me that what I had done to Mike's material things was nothing compared to what he was putting me through. Taking a few of his things and throwing them away was not the way I was going to make him get down on his knees and beg forgiveness from me until they bled. There was only one thing Mike loved more than his baseball knick-knacks. What Mike loved most was himself. Pure, unending selfishness was what drove him. The feeling of having the perfect family, the perfect child, the perfect wife. Being able to hold that while still doing whatever the hell he wanted. That was what he loved the most. What would happen to his little macho ego if that was no longer the case? What would he do if the tables turned on him, and instead of being the victimizer, he suddenly became the victim? What would he do if his trophy wife became an utter and total bitch.

_Fuck you Mike Newton. Fuck you and your fucking little ego. Fuck everything you stand for and fuck the way you changed the harmless girl __you met __in high school into this bitter, fucked up wom__an __I am today__. Y__ou will pay for this. I fucking swear._

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***EPOV***

I wanted to force myself to stop thinking about Bella and the dream I had about her the night before, but I couldn't. All I could think about that morning was her, naked, touching herself and inviting me to watch. I figured a change of scenery was in order, so I decided to take the subway to work today, instead of moving my car from its very convenient parking spot right across the street.

The ride to work would have been pleasant, had it not been for the fact that the subway car was crowded and there were no seats available. I had to stand and hold on to those God forsaken rails they have mounted at the top, and then be shaken around from side to side while the train sped from one station to the other. All in all, I was at least thankful that my mind was occupied with the subway nonsense for the time being and I wasn't thinking about the woman who had haunted my dreams the night before and caused me the single most embarrassing moment since I was fifteen. Thank God I live alone! I wouldn't want to have to explain to anyone how it was that my sheets were nice and sticky this morning.

I stopped at a mobile coffee cart that parks across the street from the office building and was ordering a cup of coffee and a bagel when I caught sight of Bella. She was on the other side of the street, walking towards the office entrance. Even from far away she was stunning. She had a certain aura or some shit that made her seem so mysterious and so puzzling, yet she wasn't the supermodel type, at all. Instead, she was this beautiful thing in a small package that represented a riddle that begged to be solved. There was something different about the way she looked today. She was just as beautiful as yesterday, but there was something that I couldn't put my finger on, something that made her seem grave.

I paid for my breakfast and ran across the street trying to catch up to her. I was only successful at catching Bella at the front desk, leaning against it and talking to Fran. She must have felt my presence because as soon as I took two steps towards her, she turned around to look at me. I realized at that moment that my initial assessment of her mood today was correct. I stared into those deep brown eyes and saw gloom and sadness. The dark circles under her eyes were a physical manifestation that she had not gotten much sleep. I couldn't help but wonder what had happened to her between yesterday and today to make her look like that. I mean, yesterday she was not exactly a cheerleader and she practically told me off, but today is definitely worse. _Definitely._

"Hiiiii Edwarrrddd," said Fran, looking way too happy to see me. Her New York accent even more prominent than yesterday, if that was even possible.

"Oh, hi Fran. Good morning," I said and turned to look at Bella. "Good morning, Bella. Hope you are doing well."

Bella looked at me, the expression on her face unreadable. I didn't know what to think at that moment. Was she mad? What was she thinking? After a few seconds, she finally met my eyes.

"Good morning, Edward. Ready for your second day?" she managed to turn the corners of her lip up into a slight smile.

"You bet. I have a great teacher, so I'm definitely excited to see what's in store for today." I smiled back at her, hoping that a warm smile would be enough to brighten up her day.

"Well, we still have a lot of material to cover, but now I have to go up and talk to Emmett for a few minutes. He left me a message here with Fran that he needed to talk to me first thing this morning about how far we've gotten with your training. He wants to know if you were ready to start working on your own," said Bella, seemingly flustered by what was obviously my brother being a nuisance.

"Wow, already? I've only had training one day. I hope he doesn't expect me to be up and running already," I said, bolstering her argument.

"Exactly! I really don't think we've covered nearly enough for you to be able to work alone." Bella walked to me and placed one hand on my chest, flirtatiously patting it, trying to reassure me. "Don't worry. I'm going to go talk to him now."

I nodded to her. At that moment, with her hand on my chest, I would have believed anything she told me. She could have told me the earth was flat and that the sun revolved around it, and I would gladly accept it. She gave me that weak smile again and slid her hand down from my chest. This maybe happened in a span of a quarter of a second, but I knew better. I felt it. Bella was trying to discreetly caress my chest! As she walked towards the elevator, I watched her intently as long as I could, until the elevator doors closed, and blocked my vision of her. I didn't know what to think of her anymore. One minute she's glaring at me in disgust, and the next, she's playfully patting my chest. _Was she flirting_?

"My, my, aren't we smooth?" said Fran in between giggles.

"_Excuse me_?" I said, extremely annoyed with her comment. What the hell? Shouldn't she be minding her own business?

Fran just laughed even louder and winked at me. I just glared at her. I couldn't believe how blunt she was. I stalked towards the door leading to the _Boiler Room_, as Bella told me they called this section of the company, since it was where all the action happened. To me, it just looked like a large room filled with cubicles and no windows. One endless maze for the rats to get lost in. I marched towards my cubicle and sat at my desk, reviewing the notes I had taken the day prior, until Bella came back from upstairs. I'm not sure exactly how long she was up there, because I completely lost track of time. Before I knew it, she was knocking on the metal of the cubicle dividers trying to catch my attention.

"Um, I just talked to your brother," she said looking disappointed. "He says that he really needs me to get the work done today that I couldn't get to yesterday while I was training you. I have a bunch of claims that need to be entered by the end of the day and Emmett doesn't want anyone else touching my accounts, so I have to do it myself. He says you should be good training with Alice in the meantime, just the general data entry stuff we all have to do, but that we should get together again after I finish my work to continue training. He says that he wants you fully trained by the end of the week, even if that means working late, which is what's going to have to happen today if we are going to make any headway."

Working late with Bella. _Not bad at all Emmett, not bad at all! _I had to wonder what the hell it was my brother was trying to do to me by putting me in this situation. Was this his idea of a sick joke? Whatever his motives are, one thing I knew for sure was that I may have to thank him later.

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

The rest of the morning was pretty uneventful. Alice was a very nice person, and very intuitive too, but as far as work was concerned, you can really tell why Emmett chose Bella as my trainer. She was simply the best one here. He had said so himself, and judging by the difference in which both Bella and Alice carried out their work, I would have to agree as well. I got a chance to meet Alice's boyfriend, who happened to work in the mailroom. His name was Jasper and he was a pretty cool guy, and by cool I don't just mean cool as in _great,_ but also as in _laid back_. This guy was the most relaxed person I had ever met in my life, and that was something I thought I never was going to be able to see in this city. You know, with New York being so hyped up and everything. Jasper and I clicked right away and he agreed to show me around the neighborhood a bit more during lunch hour, a distraction I welcomed.

After lunch I went to check on Bella. She had not moved from her cubicle and looked very into what she was doing. I wondered if she had skipped lunch to get more work done. I cleared my throat and she turned around to face me.

"Hey. I just got back from lunch. Did you want to start the training yet or are you still busy?" I said to her, my eyes drifting to look at the way her folded legs shook from nervousness when she was under stress.

"Um, yeah actually, I...I don't think we can start the training yet. I'm quite busy actually. I had no idea this much work could get accumulated in just one day," Bella said while looking flustered and running her fingers repeatedly through her long locks.

"Okay. I'll just go back to Alice's desk then," I said, then remembered that she must be hungry and tired. "Hey, did you skip lunch? Did you want me to run out and get you something?"

She smiled at me. I noticed her eyes softened and her legs stopped shaking. "Oh, thanks. No, no, that's okay. I'll just get something later from the vending machine if I get hungry. Don't worry about it."

"You sure?" I asked and looked intently at her, realizing that she was blushing at this point.

"Um, yeah." She shook her head and abruptly cut off the conversation by turning her chair around to face her computer, leaving me standing there with unsaid words in my mouth.

I got the message though. She was cutting me off again. _Hey, I'm a big boy. I can take it_. I took it like man and walked back to Alice's desk, taking a seat there for more training until Bella felt like fucking paying attention to me again. It was fucking annoying me already.

It was about three in the afternoon when Bella finally showed up in front of Alice's cubicle and signaled for me to follow her. We walked back to her desk and without exchanging any words, she just picked up from where we left off the day prior. The atmosphere around us was thick again. I was getting pretty sick of this game. We continued like this for the rest of the afternoon as we heard everyone leave the office one by one.

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

I don't know what time it actually was, because Bella and I had been at this for hours. Going over material I had never seen before and feeling pretty tired because this had been a very long day. I heard a few clicks coming from down the hall when the entire office floor suddenly darkened. _What just happened?_

"Oh Fuck! Fran! Damn it! She must think there is no one left in the office and turned off the lights thinking that she's the last one out," I heard Bella say, although I couldn't see her at all.

I felt around my pocket, trying to locate my cell phone which I figured would serve as a flashlight, but I remembered that I had left it back in my cubicle. I got up from my chair, and in a futile attempt to save the damsel in distress, I tried to blindingly walk back to the door where I had seen the light switches there the day before. I really hoped those were the right ones, because otherwise I would be forced to walk back to my desk, find my cellphone, then start finding my way through all over again. My little hero act was interrupted when I bumped into a warm body, causing me to topple to the ground, the body falling on top of me. I didn't have to hear her voice to know it was Bella I had bumped into. She must have tried the same thing I did by walking back to the door to turn the lights back on.

I can't begin to try to understand what I felt go through my body by having Bella in this very compromising position on top of me. I felt her breathing quicken at the same time as mine did. A symphony of pants that would have made the New York Philharmonic jealous. I felt her fidgeting, trying to find a way to get off me. I tried to help her by pushing up on the front of her shoulders, trying to give her leverage, but she was moving so restlessly I couldn't get a firm grip on her. She felt around with her hands for what I believe was a hard surface to press her palms into and push herself up from, and well, she found a hard surface indeed, although I don't think it was the one she was looking to find.

I heard a little yelp come out of her, then felt her roll around my side and onto the floor. I was still trying to process how having her press her palm on my very hard dick had made me feel when the lights suddenly came back on. I looked in the direction I was originally headed to and saw Bella standing by the light switch, sporting on her cheeks the brightest shade of red I had ever seen in human flesh. She ran back to her desk, passing me by quickly while I tried to lift myself up off the ground. She grabbed her purse and ran back towards the door, passing me again while avoiding my gaze at all costs. My confusion so major at this point, that the slamming of the door was the next thing I noticed. Bella had left me there hard and confused. _Well this is just fucking great. Thanks a lot, Emmett!_

I walked back to my desk to grab my phone so I could leave this place and deal with this shit. I was so fucked up. I still couldn't understand what was happening. I mean, she obviously palmed my dick by accident, but couldn't she feel it? The attraction between us was undeniable. I sat down trying to sort through all the crap that was going through my mind right now. This had never happened to me before. A woman never, ever got all me all hard and excited, then left me there to fend for myself. _Fucking shit! I should have stayed in Forks._

I was deep within my own thoughts when I heard the door squeak. I figured someone noticed there were people left in the office and came back to check that everything was okay. I heard the footsteps approaching me, when I saw her appear again before me. Bella.

"Follow me," she said, her intent gaze burning with desire.

I obeyed at once and followed her as she walked down the hall. The swaying movement of her hips putting me in some kind of trance._ God she had a great ass!_ She suddenly stopped in front of an unlabeled door and quickly opened it. Her eyes locked with mine and I could tell what she was going to do next. Promptly and as if on cue, she lifted both her hands and used them to grab me by the front of my shirt just below the neck, and pulled me inside the closet, locking the door behind her.

It was dark and I could not see where the hell I was, but I deduced from the smell of chlorine and household detergents, that we must have been inside the janitor's closet. While my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I waved my arms around looking for her but I could not find her. I suddenly felt a small hand caress and gently constrict the growing bulge in my pants. I lowered my arms down to my groin area and felt her hair. _OH. MY. LORD. She was going to blow me!_

I promptly scrambled to undo my belt when I felt her small, delicate hands slap mine away. I removed my hands and very aptly she proceeded to remove my belt, then unbutton, then lower my zipper._ Arrrgh!_

She placed her hand inside my boxers and very delicately withdrew my fully extended penis. I felt how she provocatively caressed the length of my erection up and down like it was a God damned toy. I craned my head back to enjoy the ride, which was probably not a good idea, since I hit the back of my head right smack into the wall behind me. This was obviously a very small closet.

I guess Bella was not at all concerned with the lack of space because I suddenly felt the tip of her tongue as it slid from side to side and around the rim of the head of my throbbing cock. _Oh my God that felt good_. She teased me a few more times with the same movement of her warm tongue that was driving my mind, and my penis, crazy. I was enjoying this thoroughly.

All of a sudden, I stopped feeling the soft brushing of her tongue against the engorged head of my cock; the feeling changed to something different. Just when I thought this couldn't get any better, I then realized that she was actually twirling her tongue around the entire head, from its base, and somehow bringing it around the entire circumference.

_Oh God damned woman!_ I groaned so loudly from the explosion of pleasure that I was feeling, that I thought we were for sure going to get caught. She, however, didn't stop, and continued using her skilled tongue to give me the best fucking blow job ever.

* * *

**A/N:** So, my very wise beta, OhHereKittyKitty, has named my Edward and his name is now, wait for it, yes "**Closetward**."

This newbie author asks that you give me some love in the form of reviews. I looooooove reviews and so does my creative soul. Don't forget to check out my blog to listen to the playlist that was the inspiration for this story. The URL can be found in my profile.


	4. Let It Flow

I know - I know! I took me forever and a day to get this chapter up. It took so long because 've actually been busy writing another story. I wrote a one-shot for an anonymous contest. I will post the link in the A/N.

Thank you again to my partner in crime, FAB and Previewer extraordinaire, **OhHereKittyKitty**, who you will hear from very, very soon. She keeps me from making ridiculous mistakes in my writing and is a friend I can always rely on.

Hope you enjoy this chapter of Waiting to Exhale.

**DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the one and only Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing. I simply live vicariously through her books.**

* * *

_  
First thing Monday morning_

_I'm gonna pack my tears away_

_Got no cause to look back_

_I'm lookin' for me a better day_

_You see the thing 'bout love_

_Is that it's not enough_

_If the only thing it brings you is pain_

_There comes a time when we could all make a change_

_Just let go_

_And let it flow, let it flow, let it flow_

_Everything's gonna work out right, Y'know_

_Let go_

_and let it flow, let it flow, let it flow_

_Just let it go_

Toni Braxton, "Let It Flow"

***BPOV***

I am going to hell. I had sexually harassed this man to the point of getting him inside of a janitor's closet so I could blow him. How much lower could I possibly go? I'm a married woman with a child, and here I am on a night I'm supposed to be working late, sucking the daylight out of my co-worker's dick. Mother would be so very proud I'm sure, but I didn't care. I knew why I was doing this.

This was not just my way of getting back at Mike for what he's been doing to me. Although that was a big part of it, it was also my way of showing to myself that I was still a woman. I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of evoking desire into other men, even if my own husband didn't want me anymore. This I became sure of when he stopped touching me months ago, and when I discovered his little escapades with Jessica. This was all it was in the end, just a way to take out my frustrations. It was purely physical. No emotions or intimacy involved.

Edward moaned with pleasure while I took his cock into my mouth and played with it. Each moan gained intensity with each brush of my tongue against every inch of his swollen head. I could tell that he was enjoying every single second of this. My big clue was the incessant growling he emitted from his rapidly heaving chest. I was enjoying it quite a bit myself, I must say. This guy's cock looked like God's gift to women. My initial reaction when pulling out his erected penis was, "Whoa! How can he fit that thing into his underwear?" I mean, he was very well endowed, and we're not just talking length here, but also girth. He could fill some pretty wide plumbing with that thing!

Edward had it all going for him. Not only was he packing it down there, but he was also a very good-looking man. His face was that of a fallen angel, completely beautiful while at the same time, absolutely fucking dangerous. I have to admit that I was instantly attracted to him since the first second I saw him. His perfectness haunted me in my daydreams.

I felt him shake. I knew he was getting close to cumming, so I opened my mouth wider and guided his cock deep inside of it, hitting the back of my throat with his tip. I thrust it up and down with quick, sudden movements, using nothing but my mouth as I took my right hand and caressed his balls. The groan that was released out of him was so loud that I could swear that I heard it resonate on the much too close walls of the closet.

"Bella. I'm. Cumming." Edward's breath was exasperated, each of these words spoken one by one.

I moaned together with him and quickened the agitating movements of my mouth. I also sped up the movement my hands made while fondling his balls. I felt Edward tense for a second before I felt the rush of his manhood explode within my mouth. The down rush of white liquid tickled the back of my throat and satiated my thirst of being with someone who wanted me for a change. I suctioned one last time, consuming any excess cum that might have lingered behind. The feeling of the aftershocks that overtook him prickled my most sensitive nerves.

I looked up from under my eyelashes to see Edward. His chest rose and lowered, his breathing out of control after what had just happened. I placed my palms on his thighs and pushed down on them to lift myself up off my knees. Edward grabbed my arms and pulled up, crushing me onto him, our chests against each other. He looked intently at me, holding my gaze so strongly I could not process how to break away from it. He took the back of his hand and caressed my jaw line, back and forth, before grabbing my chin. He pulled it, guiding it towards his lips where I assumed he was going to drop a sensual kiss on mine.

I reacted quickly and pulled back, pressing my palms onto the front of his shoulders, trying to break the airtight seal between our bodies. Edward loosened and let go of my face, the look on his face was one of complete confusion and disappointment. I staggered backwards and turned around to open the closet door, managing to bring a few cleaning products down to the floor. I wildly jiggled the door handle until it gave way. I ran out of there like I was running for my life, leaving Edward behind me, calling out my name.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

I drove home that night, not able to think about anything else but what had just happened inside that closet. I thought back to what was going through my mind when I decided to walk back into that office and seduce Edward. I had certainly never done anything like that before, but the burning desire I felt was stronger than what common sense was telling me I should do.

I couldn't find a parking spot close my apartment, so I had to park a couple of blocks away and walk the rest of the way. The night that blew on my face made me feel better. The chill in the air turned my attention away from my thoughts and to what was going on around me. I entered the building and hopped on the elevator up to my floor, thinking the whole way up about what my mother would nag me about tonight. Before I knew it, I was already opening the door, bracing myself to face what my real life was like.

What I walked into was not pleasant. My mother was standing in the hallway with Nessie in her arms, looking at me like I had just committed murder. She looked like she was about ready to leave, with my daughter, mind you.

"What's going on?" I asked, confused by the way she was acting.

"I'm going to take Nessie with me tonight, while you have a little talk with your husband. He's in his office waiting for you." Renee glared at me. The accusatory look on her face made me nervous. I knew I had been bad, but how did she know? Or _did_ she know?

"Um...okay. What happened?" I asked, trying to get more out of her than just the guilt-inducing stare.

"Very nice job, Bella. Good luck getting Mike to forgive you for this one. You can be such a child sometimes." Renee stalked to the door, bumping into my shoulder on the way out. I looked and saw that Nessie was asleep with her head resting on Renee's shoulders, so I decided not to make a scene that would wake her. I turned around towards Mike's office as I heard the front door slam. _And I'm the child? Pfft!_

I braced myself for what was coming. Either Mike was going to confront me about vandalizing his office, or he had somehow found out what I was up to with Edward. The thought of either one of these scenarios caused my stomach to turn, unsure of how I would handle it. I walked in and saw Mike sitting in his office chair, his back turned to me. He was staring up at the empty walls, when he heard me come in and turned around.

He rose from his chair and placed his palms on his mahogany desk. He looked down momentarily trying to calm himself, then looked back up and met my eyes. In his eyes, I could see the rage building up. He took one step toward me and stopped mid-way. He took his fist and slammed it down on the desk, which made an echoing sound.

"Bella, what the _fuck_ happened to my stuff?" Mike's voice transmitted utter hostility towards me.

I took a moment to think about what I was going to say. I wasn't about to apologize to him for using his stupid little mementos as my punching bag. I tried to calm myself and remember that he was the one who had been cheating on me. I took a deep breath in and initiated my attack on him.

"Hmm, let's see. Well by now, your stuff is probably in the hands of a homeless man pushing a grocery cart down the street," I mockingly answered.

"And why the fuck would you do that?" asked Mike, his anger flaring by the second.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe I just felt like cleaning house." A smile formed on my lips. "_Maybe_ I just thought your shit wasn't worth a damn!" I sneered, as my tone became increasingly sarcastic.

Mike narrowed his eyes and rose up from his chair, shortening the distance between us in a matter of seconds. He grabbed both my wrists and shook me, my head snapping back and forth from the force of his pull.

"Now you listen to me and you listen to me good. I don't know what the fuck is going on in that crazy head of yours, but you better get my fucking stuff back, or I'll…" Mike venomously spat out.

"You'll _what_?" I interrupted and asked in the same tone that he had, challenging him.

He shrugged and loosened his grip on my wrists. _Not so tough now are you? _I took my hands and massaged my wrists, still feeling the sting caused from the abrupt halt of circulation. He continued glaring at me, though he avoided touching me.

"I want my shit back in here tomorrow. I don't know how the hell you're going to do it, but you better figure it out. I'm getting sick and tired of your little tantrums and all your crap. I swear Bella, you didn't used to be like this. What the fuck happened to you?" Mike retorted, staring me down as if he felt sorry for me.

Feelings of anger and indignation took over me. I felt my ears ring and roast like marshmallows over a fire. _He wanted to know what happened to me? _

"I'll tell you what the fuck happened to me." I took my index finger and pressed it against his chest, poking him. "_You. You_ are what happened to me. Your lies, your way of dismissing me like I don't even matter. _Your infidelity!_"

Mike's expression turned from angry to shocked. He stared at me, unable to form any words.

"What? Did you think that I didn't know? You thought I wouldn't find out about your little escapades with Jessica? Well I know it all. I know who and what you are. I know about Hotel 31. I even know in which room you fucked her last night!" I said, as my fists clenched and my nails dug into my palms.

"You are fucking nuts, you know that? What? Are you following me now?" Mike retorted, trying somehow to turn this into my problem and not his.

"I don't need to, baby. Your girlfriend keeps me very well informed. Ask her if you don't believe me." I smiled as I watched his face change color and into unreadable expressions.

"Look. I'm going to go. You call me when you're ready to apologize for being such a bitch. You've clearly gone insane." Mike turned around and headed for the door.

"Don't hold your breath!" I yelled, causing Mike to turn around to look at me, shaking his head, and slamming the door behind him.

I crumbled to the floor, panting and sobbing, as I realized that this was the first time I had ever stood up to Mike. I didn't feel bad about it; in fact, it felt so great it actually scared me. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Mike had always been the strong one in the relationship, and taking a stand against him was not something I was used to doing. It frightened me to think that I was strong enough to challenge him.

It frightened me to think of the possibility that I was changing. I was certainly no longer the same scared little girl Mike met in high school. My mind spun with unanswered questions. All I knew for certain was that I was scorned, and so help me God, I was going to have my revenge. An eye for an eye was all that could think about, a plan of action that had already been put in motion.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

***EPOV***

_What in the name of fuck was she doing to me?_ I groaned in frustration over what Bella had just done. First she gave me a mind-blowing blowjob, and then she just ran away like a frightened little girl. _Am I the only one here that sees the irony?_ I just don't understand it. I don't understand how Bella went from being totally feral in one moment, to an innocent puppy the next.

I drove home that night completely irate and dissatisfied with this situation. Bella had scurried away from me the moment I tried to kiss her. She was perfectly okay with seducing her way into that closet, but the moment I tried to show her some affection, she ran like her life depended on it. I slammed the door to my apartment behind me and headed straight for the bathroom. I figured a cold shower was exactly what I needed in order to calm the fuck down.

As the cold water fell on my body, I thought more about what happened with Bella. I knew that thinking about it more wasn't exactly going to help me relax, but I couldn't help it. All I could think about was the way my cock felt inside of her mouth and all the things she was able to do with her tongue. The thought of her doing this to me again haunted me, and I couldn't help but wonder if there would be a next time.

I knew that Bella was married, but I also knew that her husband was a dick. I wondered briefly if that had something to do with what she was doing. Happily married women don't invite their male co-workers into a closet to perform oral sex. That sort of thing just doesn't happen unless you're unsatisfied with your marriage. Maybe this guy Mike wasn't cutting the mustard and she had to look for it elsewhere. But that left me thinking…was I just a booty call to her?

I pondered that for a minute before my mind strayed again, back to the few minutes I had with Bella today in private. I had never been the one to be _used_, but rather, I had always been the _user_. It felt kind of strange being on the other side of the equation and not have any control of what might happen next. Bella clearly had the upper hand in this. She was calling the shots and I was just following along. The funny thing was, I was actually enjoying it. It did feel strange, but it also felt liberating to not have to worry about what to do or say next to keep things going. I was quite content being her man-whore.

It was also quite evident to me that I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop her from using me because I liked it too damn much. I loved the way she looked at me. I savored the way she walked down that hall to the closet, seducing me every step of the way. I craved the way she caressed my cock and sucked on it, like it was a big ass lollipop.

Before I knew it, I was trying to mimic the movements that Bella performed on my fully extended erection with my own hands. I stroked it back and forth, my palm placed on the cold ceramic of the shower wall. I convulsed slightly with the feeling of my penis exploding into a volcano of cum. I watched how the water from the showerhead washed all that down the tub drain. I finished showering, then went straight to bed. I was fairly sure I would dream about Bella again tonight.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

I decided I was going to stick with taking the subway everyday to work. I had passed the first week mark here and I was getting the hang of this New York thing. I saw that most people used the subway or the bus for their daily commute. The private cars were saved for weekend use or for longer trips, or as I started seeing, to cross over to New Jersey. After a couple of days, I started to develop a schedule and routine of my own, and now felt more comfortable using public transportation everyday.

Bella and I wrapped up the training on Friday as she had been requested to. After the little incident in the closet, Bella had become increasingly friendly and flirty with me. Funny thing was that, while she was eye fucking one minute, she was giving me the cold shoulder the next. It was fucking driving me insane.

Today was the first day I was supposed to start working on my own, under Bella's supervision of course, to make sure I was doing things right. This meant that there weren't going to be anymore late night training sessions, which had become a drug to me the past week. The recollection of what happened on our first late night at the office, coupled with the tension of the following nights, was enough to make me burst.

I thought that Bella would take the initiative and go for it like she did that fateful night, but instead she resorted to playing games with me. The crazy thing was, that instead of pissing me off and turning me away, it just made me more obsessed with her. Every night, I jacked off thinking about what it would feel like to be with Bella. It was so wrong, yet so right.

I got to work a little early. I had made good time catching one train after another without any wait time, which made me feel pretty fucking accomplished. I made my way to the cafeteria to get some coffee, because I figured it was pretty stupid of me to pay for a cup of coffee when I could get it at work for free. As I approached the kitchenette area, I heard voices coming from inside. I leaned towards the entrance, trying my best to hear what they were saying.

"He's fucking cheating on her. He's a fucking asshole and I'm totally with Bella on this one," said a female voice.

"Alice, don't jump to conclusions. Listen, it's best to not get involved in marital problems. You know what happens when you do and you side with one of them? They end up getting back together and become enemies with you," said a male voice.

Alice sighed and then began speaking again, "I know that, but Bella is my friend. Anyways, Mike left the house and she's there all alone with Nessie. She needs her friends now more than ever."

"I understand. You're a good friend," Jasper said. "Just be careful okay. I don't want you to get involved in a messy situation. I care about you too much to see you suffer."

They started to shuffle things around, and all of a sudden I heard a grunt and kissing noises. I didn't want to stick around for whatever shit was going on in there, so I bolted out of there and back to my desk. Besides, I couldn't stay there and risk being discovered as an eavesdropper. I couldn't help it. I could have walked away from the conversation, but I was pulled back into it at the mention of Bella's name.

I knew that Bella's husband was a dick because Emmett had told me, but what I didn't know was that he was cheating on her and had actually left her. _Poor Bella!_ On her own having to raise her daughter while her husband was with another woman. This was the kind of thing that made me feel shitty about the fact that I was a man. I mean, I've made my mistakes in the past, and I did my share of sleeping around with women who had husbands, but I never, _ever_, cheated on my wife while she was still alive. I found that to be just despicable.

It crossed my mind that, technically, Bella was doing the same thing. She cheated on her husband that night in the closet because, contrary to what Mr. Bill Clinton said, oral sex _is_ sex in my book. _Was the fact that she had already been cheated on excuse her from doing it herself?_

I was snapped back into reality when I heard Bella's voice.

"Good morning, Edward," said Bella, looking so sexy that I thought my dick was going to pop out of my pants.

"Good morning," I answered while waving my hand. I was really afraid of turning around to face her and for her to notice my inappropriate erection this early in the morning.

"Are you ready for your first day solo? Emmett seems to think so, and so do I. You caught on real quick," she said.

She walked towards me and stood beside me. She lifted herself up to sit on my desk, and slid herself back, crossing her legs in the process. She was facing me at this point.

"Yeah. I'm very ready. I had the best teacher remember?" I said jokingly, inciting a smile to spread on her lips.

The rest of the day was the same as it had been the last few days. Bella came by my cubicle a few times to check on me and to see if I had any questions. I managed to go the whole day without making any major mistakes, and Bella was very good about catching any potential ones before they got too far. I was very glad she was helping me. We stole glances from each other every time. She pretended not to notice, or not to be looking at me for that matter, but I knew better. This went on until the work day was over.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

"Uptown or downtown?" Bella asked, confusing the heck out of me.

"Uh, what?" I answered, not knowing what she was talking about.

Bella chuckled. "You're such a tourist!" she teased, slamming her palm on her forehead and her chest rising and falling from laughter.

"I'm not a fucking tourist anymore," I hissed. "I just haven't been here that long to know what that means."

"Uptown or downtown is the direction in which you take the train. Haven't you noticed the subway station entrances usually say 'uptown' on one side of the street and on the other it says 'downtown'?" she asked.

"Oh," I said, now realizing what she was talking about. "Okay, I get it now," I answered, chuckling myself this time.

We were both laughing as we walked out the office building and into the street. We walked the two blocks down to the subway station before Bella posed the question again.

"So which way?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Um, uptown," I replied, this time sure of what I was saying.

"Ha, interesting. Me too. Let's go," she said, shocking me a little.

I decided not to think about the fact that Bella and I were going to take the same train together. This was probably a very common occurrence here in New York, being that so many people took the train. It was no big deal that she happened to be going in the same direction as me. Half of the city was headed that same way anyways.

"Hey, didn't you drive your own car to work?" I asked, all of a sudden remembering that detail.

Bella went quiet for a couple of seconds. "I did, but times are rough and I need to save money. Taking the subway makes more sense than spending a ridiculous amount of money on gas and parking everyday," she answered, looking down at the stairs as we descended into the station.

"Makes perfect sense. That's kind of why I'm doing it too. Makes no sense to have a mission every day to find a parking spot outside of your building," I answered, agreeing with her mostly for her benefit. Judging by how quiet she turned, I realized that my question had struck a nerve.

Bella simply nodded as we made our way to the platform to wait for the train. Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long, because as soon as we got there, we felt the familiar breeze of an approaching train. Crowds of people poured out of the subway car as we struggled to enter it before the doors closed. We found seats and rushed to get them before someone else did, something I saw most New Yorkers were accustomed to doing.

Bella remained quiet as the train took off and stopped at three more stations. When the train was between the third and fourth station, it suddenly stopped and the lights turned off. Emergency lights turned on and flashed. There we were, in the middle of an underground tunnel, inside of a train, stuck for God knows what reason.

The conductor came on the speaker and announced that someone pulled he emergency break and that they had to wait for the order that everything was clear before moving again. The passengers groaned and complained, while Bella suddenly just got up and started walking across the subway car.

I jumped up and went after her, calling out to her, clearly being ignored. She opened the door at the end of the subway car and crossed onto the next one, opening another door to go in. I followed her lead down two more cars before I caught up to her while she was in between two subway cars. I stopped her, grabbing her by the arm.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked her.

"Would you let go of my arm?" she sneered at me.

I looked up at her face and saw tears. Her eyes transmitted pain and suffering. I felt at that moment a strong urge to protect her, to hurt the motherfucker who had cheated on her and made her feel this way. I wanted to hug her and assure her that everything was fine, that she could be mine and that I would never do that to her.

I don't know what came over me at that moment, but what I did instead was take her face in my hand and lean in to kiss her. The force of her hand slapping my cheek interrupted me, completely ruining the moment.

"What the fuck?" I said to Bella while I witnessed her teary eyes suddenly turn ferocious.

What happened next was by no stretch of the imagination what I thought would happen. I fully expected Bella to send me straight to hell, or back to Forks for that matter, but instead, she did something that shocked the hell out of me.

Bella pushed me against the subway car door with a force I couldn't even imagine she had. She looked me straight in the eyes while fumbling with her hands to remove my belt. I didn't waste any time and in seconds I was removing my belt myself, trying to help her out.

Bella lowered my zipper and lowered herself, taking my pants down with her. I knew I had to react quickly. I knew she was going to blow me again, and while I really enjoyed that, I had something else I mind. I wanted to be in control this time.

I grabbed Bella by the arms and lifted her up to face me. Confusion clouded her face as she struggled to make sense of what I was doing. I spun both of us around so that her back was now against the subway car door. I lifted up her skirt and slid my arms under her legs, grabbing her ass and lifting her up to position her pussy against my throbbing cock.

Bella moaned with pleasure and rolled her eyes back. _So you like it rough, don't you?_ She wrapped her legs around my waist and gyrated, creating friction against our excited bodies. As much as I wanted to stay here and have Bella grind me into oblivion, I suspected that we didn't have much time left before we were discovered, so I took matters into my own hands.

I removed one of my hands from her ass and slid it backwards towards her pussy. I found the edge of her panties and slid my fingers in, one by one, until my entire hand was in there, feeling her wet, hot pussy dripping. I made one quick movement and yanked on the bottom of her panties, moving it to the side to create some space for me to enter her. I positioned myself right at her entrance and went for it.

Penetrating Bella was not what I expected. It was even better. I've slept with a lot of women before, but Bella was just so tight. _How could she be this tight?_ I mean, obviously she was not a virgin or anything. I don't know much about the subject, but from the experience I had in Forks, the married women I slept with who had kids, were, well, NOT tight.

The conductor came on the speaker, announcing that were going to start moving again in one minute. I thrust in and out of Bella, grabbing her ass and causing her to slam her back onto me. We both moaned desperately, knowing that we didn't have much time left and were so exhilarated by the prospect of our impending orgasm.

I was overcome with desire. I wanted to devour Bella. The animalistic nature of what we were doing at that moment woke up every sexual instinct inside of me. I quickened my movements and thrust into her harder, causing Bella to arch her back and let out a long moan. I could tell she was very close.

I was expecting her to cum any second now and I wanted to cum with her simultaneously, but nothing could prepare me for what I felt next. I suddenly felt the walls of her pussy contract and expand; squeezing my dick like it was inside the mouth of an anaconda. This didn't feel like the usual female orgasm. It felt stronger and better. Bella was doing this purposefully.

My eyes widened in surprise, and I looked at Bella. She had the most evil looking grin on her face, as if she knew exactly what she was doing to me.

"What the fuck?" I exclaimed.

"Shhhhh," she panted. "Just enjoy it."

Bella continued doing that constriction shit that felt like heaven as she gyrated and slammed back into me, forcing the most powerful orgasm out of me. I wasn't even able to warn her. She just made me cum and I was powerless to hold it.

"Oh shit. I'm already cumming," I said with shaky breath.

"Me. Too," Bella answered breathlessly as she arched her back again. Her muscles contracted and relaxed around my cock, this time, for real as a result of her climax.

The train jerked forward and the lights came back on. We struggled to get our clothes back on quickly, and move out from the middle of two advancing train cars. We rushed back inside one of the cars as the train slowed and came to a stop at the next station. Bella slipped out the door quickly, taking me by surprise. I reacted accordingly and made it out before the doors slid closed. I managed to grab her arm before she was able to disappear again. I leaned into her ear.

"That constriction thing you did in there. That was fucking awesome. What was that?" I asked, genuinely curious about what technique she used that caused me so much pleasure.

"Kegels," Bella said. "It's very common. You can Google it."

She winked at me, then turned and walked away.

* * *

**A/N:** Woohoo! So Closetward is also Kegalward. He's a man of many talents, or is Bella really the talented one here? Hmmm. I lived in New York for many years and I always wondered what it would be like to do the nasty in that space between subway cars. I thought everyone else did too, or is it just my dirty mind? Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that you can give me some reviews. I would certainly appreciate it :)

About the one-shot I wrote, it is a one-shot inspired from an 80's song. I wrote it for the "I Love 80's Music Anonymous O/S Contest". It is anonymous and the voting is still on, so I can't say which one is mine, but I can ask you go to check it out, read all the entries, and VOTE. I will post my story here in my profile once the contest is over. Check it out: h t t p: / / w w w . fanfiction . net / u / 2060377 /


	5. Why Does It Hurt So Bad

Yay! I FINALLY got chapter 5 up here. I've been having some RL ("real life") issues, so it's taking me longer to update. Too much to do and not enough time to do it, ya know? Anyways, here's the much awaited ;) chapter 5 and I will try my best to not take so long in between updates. The Bella and Edward story must be told!

Again, and as always, thank you to OhHereKittyKitty for being my previewer/beta and for getting me "through the fire". You are an angel and you know ILY.

Hope you enjoy this chapter of Waiting to Exhale.

**DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the one and only Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing. I simply live vicariously through her books.**

* * *

_Why does it hurt so bad  
Why do I feel so sad  
I thought I was over you  
But I keep crying  
When I don't love you  
So why does it hurt so bad  
Baby I thought I had let you go  
So why does it hurt me so  
I gotta get you outta my head  
Hurts me so bad  
"Never again" that's what I said to myself  
I never wanna feel that kind of pain again boy  
Just when I think it's over  
Just when I think it's through  
I find myself right back in love with you  
So why does it hurt so bad  
Whitney Houston, "Why Does It Hurt So Bad"_

* * *

***BPOV***

I saw Edward's expression turn to shock as I divulged what it was that I had done. I turned and walked away with what I'm sure was a pretty smug look on my face, leaving him standing at the platform stunned. I had used the Kegel technique on him. It was something I learned in Lamaze classes, and I never would have thought that it could serve as an effective sexual tool, that is, until that day a couple of years ago when I was having coffee with Alice and a couple more girlfriends of mine. I was pretty damn astonished when one of them, a girl of Haitian descent, confided in us that this is a technique used widely in her country of origin, called "Cocomordan" in Creole, and that it was guaranteed to drive a man crazy. We all laughed it off that day, but I am sure each one of us secretly tried to use it at least once after that. I attempted to try it on Mike once, but he had been so drunk that night, he hardly even noticed that I was trying to seduce him, not that he ever noticed anyways, sober or drunk. Long story short, I never got to see Mike's reaction to it since he fell asleep in the middle of the act, making me feel like the sorriest excuse for a woman that had ever existed.

The vibration of my phone in my purse interrupted my thoughts. I glanced at it quickly and sprinted up the steps of the underground subway station as I saw that it was Renee who sent me a text message. The message read, "_At the Gymboree with Nessie, then to eat ice cream. We'll see you later_." I stuck the phone back in my purse and continued the short walk to my apartment. I thought about how relieved I was that I at least had my mother to help me with Nessie. I wondered how many working mothers there were out there who didn't have any help whatsoever. My mother, although a pain and clueless when it came to being a good mother to me, was a fantastic grandma, and took care of Nessie like I wouldn't trust anyone else to.

Nessie was the only reason why I hadn't told my mom everything that was really going on with Mike and me. She adored Mike more than me, even though I was her own flesh and blood, not to mention that I was sure she would blame me for my troubles with Mike. She could belittle me all she wanted, and call me the worst wife in the history of the world, but as long as she cared for my daughter and gave her love, I didn't care what she did with me.

I walked out of the elevator and caught sight of Mike waiting outside the apartment door with a very pissed off look on his face. _Oh yeah, I changed the locks on him_. I tried to mentally prepare myself for the argument that was sure to come, so I took a deep breath and continued to walk towards the door, watching Mike coldly as he eyed me up and down.

"What the fuck is this shit? Why isn't my key working?" Mike spat out.

I ignored him as I took my own key out of my purse and stuck it in the keyhole. I turned the key unusually slow, just to annoy the hell out of him. It worked. He was obviously livid, his chest heaving as if to control his anger towards me. I gave him a self-satisfied look in return. I knew I was playing with fire by testing him like that because I knew that he had a very short, bad temper, but I didn't give a shit at this point. I pushed the door in to open it and walked in with Mike following angrily behind me.

"I changed the locks. I mean, what did you expect? A welcoming committee?" I contended, using the chilliest tone I could manage and trying to give off more of those I-DON'T-GIVE-A-FUCK vibes.

Mike glared and rolled his eyes at me. "You think you're so funny. Ha, ha.I'm shitting in my pants. You're hilarious, you know that?" he said sarcastically.

I sighed. "Whatever. Look, what do you want?" I retorted, plainly just wanting to get to the point and over with all this shit.

"Well, I came to get all my stuff out of your way, that is, unless you've already donated it to the homeless or something." Mike laughed, somehow thinking that any of this was even remotely funny.

I smiled back at him, because if he wasn't going to let up and cut the crap, then neither was I. Why should he get to have all the fun?

"Well, no," I answered, placing my hands on my waist, "but I did take the liberty of putting it all in nice boxes for you. It's all in your old office just waiting to be picked up."

Mike's smug expression dropped and he quickly glanced towards his old office's door. He rushed to it and opened the door with such force that I thought he was going to break the handle. He stood at the threshold staring at the scattered cardboard boxes that covered the hardwood floor and the mahogany furniture of his dear old office.

Mike ran his fingers through his hair, looking genuinely flustered and surprised to see that I wasn't taking any of his shit. He turned around to look at me, his expression suddenly soft and warm, looking like he just suddenly got what was happening here.

"Bella, honey, look. Are you sure of what you're doing? I mean, you are really taking this far. Are you really willing to destroy your family because you're having a jealous fit?" Mike said, trying to sound concerned. He was acting like I was the one with the problem here.

"Excuse me? What did you say?" I answered. I couldn't believe he was trying to pin this on me again.

"I said, think about what you're doing, before it's too late. Just remember that we have a daughter, and all these little games you're playing, well, they affect her too, so you better think long and hard about what you're sacrificing here, Mike answered with so much conviction that if a psychologist was listening in, he would have taken Mike's side instead of mine.

"I've never been so sure of anything else in my entire life. I am so sick of this, Mike. I am so sick of your lies, of your pretending that you don't lie, of your twisting things so it looks like I'm the one who lies. I'm sick of all of it. I'm sick of you. Please leave now. I have sufficient evidence that you've been unfaithful to me for a very long time now, so when you receive the divorce papers, please don't come back here trying this same old argument, because it's just getting pathetically tiring," I answered, feeling a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I was finally calling him on all his bullshit.

Mike just stood there and glared at me some more. He did a lot of that in the short time that he was there. He finally reacted and made a phone call to one of his buddies, asking him to bring over a vehicle so he could move all his boxes. I locked myself in my room and sat on the bed staring at the nothingness. I heard Mike's shuffling and grunting as he carried his boxes one by one out the door. He made several trips in and out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him as the last box was carried out. I cried myself to sleep that night, not because I felt that I was losing my first love and whom I thought was going to love and respect me forever, but because I had been had. In all those years I was with Mike, I believed in love, in his love. Now I realize that it was all an illusion. I think I have lost faith in love altogether.

**~*~**

I ran into Alice the next morning while waiting in line to get my cup of coffee at the coffee cart across the street from the office. I had confided in Alice a few days ago that Mike had left the house, and even told her about the whole hotel incident. She was very sympathetic and just flat out wanted to punch Mike in the face. She was tough like that. We crossed the street while I gave her a quick run-down of last night's episode with Mike.

"Well, good for you, Bella. I'm glad you let the fucker have it. It was long overdue. Long overdue," Alice responded, nodding her head in approval of my actions.

"Yeah, I know. It's definitely over. I decided that I'm going to file for divorce. I'm just so sick and tired of it, you know?" I said to Alice, unnecessarily pleading for the approval I already knew I had from her.

"Oh I know. Frankly, I think this is the best thing for you, Bella. Mike is an ass, and you deserve better than that. You deserve a guy who loves you for you, someone who appreciates how special you are. Someone like, oh I don't know, maybe someone like Edward Cullen," said Alice, raising an eyebrow at me, as if she had been waiting for an admission of some sort.

I didn't know how to react. Was she hinting because she knew something? I decided that I was going to be careful about what I said, just in case she didn't know, but I was truly shocked.

"I..I…what?" I stuttered stupidly, totally giving away that I was hiding something. No one else knew me better than Alice.

"I knew it! You like him, too!" Alice exclaimed with such happiness that one would have thought she had discovered the cure to some rare disease.

As if my stuttering didn't give me away enough, I then felt the blood rush to my head. It made me feel so lightheaded, which was a sure sign that I was blushing, and because of the translucence of my skin, when I blushed, there was no hiding it. The only thing making me feel better at this point is that apparently Alice didn't know that something had actually already happened between Edward and me, but just suspected that we liked each other.

"Like him, too? What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to regain my composure and sound truthful; I was sure that I was failing miserably at both tasks.

"Well come on, Bella. It's so obvious. Don't tell me you haven't noticed that Edward can't take his eyes off of you. He's like completely in awe of you. And don't tell me you don't like him because I fucking know you and I can tell you like him, too. I see the way you look at him and I _know_ I'm not blind," Alice explained, not taking her eyes off of mine. She was trying to read my reactions, which were erratic, I'm sure.

"Well honestly," I giggled, letting my girlish instincts take over for a minute, "I do think he's a good looking man and I do see the way he looks at me, but really Alice, I think he's just captivated by the city and by the way everyone here, including women, are so independent. I'm sure it's a huge change from the way things are in his hometown."

"Uh huh," Alice responded sarcastically, "and Jasper and I don't fuck in the mailroom every chance we get."

I spit out the coffee I had been slowly sipping at the time of her shocking admission and almost sprayed Alice with it had I not turned my head away quickly. I started laughing and giggling so hard, that the people who were walking by turned to look at me and picked up the pace to get away from the mad woman that was maniacally laughing on the sidewalk. Alice joined me and we both laughed it off.

She didn't bring up the Edward Cullen subject again, which was in my view, a victory for me. I didn't want to tell Alice about what had already happened with Edward, at least not yet, especially since I wasn't even sure what "that" was. What had happened between us was just a really good fuck. At least that's the way I was convinced he saw it. I had to admit that I was very attracted to Edward. God! Even thinking about his name made me completely wet. But I couldn't afford to fool myself thinking that anyone would "like" me for more than just that. I had been through too much lately to believe in any more of this love nonsense. I just couldn't leave myself open and vulnerable to being hurt again, because I didn't know if I could take it. Besides, I already had someone who loved me unconditionally, and that person was Nessie. I had to be strong for her, because I didn't want her to see her mother break.

I couldn't let myself fall in love with Edward Cullen, for Nessie's sake, and for mine.

* * *

***EPOV***

I was on my third cup of coffee when I heard Bella and Alice chime in the door, giggling and laughing about who knows what. _Glad someone was having a good morning_. I for one was having the morning from hell. I didn't get any sleep last night because all I could think about, and all I could dream about, was what happened between Bella and me yesterday on the subway. _She was driving me insane!_ What was this power this woman had over me? I was helpless when it came to her. She was doing what she wanted with me and I was half enjoying it and half pissed about it. I was truly fucked.

She walked past my cubicle and didn't even say good morning. I was in such a bad mood and so cranky that I didn't even walk over to her as I usually did. Instead, I started clicking away at the computer, trying to get my mind out of the gutter. _Who the hell did she think she was? Ignoring me after everything that happened between us?_ I almost succeeded at it too, but she decided to show her face in my cubicle ten minutes later, completely undoing the concentration I had tried so hard to reign in.

"Um, Edward? Emmett wanted me to let you know that he needs you to finish up these claims today since we're approaching the end of the month," Bella said timidly, handing me a stack of papers.

I took the papers from her, avoiding her gaze. I slammed them on my desk and said something I later realized I shouldn't have said, "Okay, but why does he keep telling you what to tell me? I do have a phone, and email. Is it so hard to just tell me himself?"

Bella's eyes widened in surprise and her mouth opened and closed a couple of times. She finally said, "I'm sure that your brother is quite capable of picking up the phone or emailing you. If you want to know why he chooses to go through me, then why don't you ask him yourself?" She scoffed, then marched out of my cubicle and into hers. The shuffling of papers and loud clicking of Bella on her keyboard was a sure sign that I had pissed her off. _Good!_

I continued working the rest of the morning, forcing myself to concentrate on the letters and numbers displayed on the monitor and papers I was working with. I tried not to think about Bella and feel guilty for snapping at her earlier today, but I decided that it was best to leave it alone. The mood I was in this morning was not getting any better, and any confrontation with Bella would most likely make me even more upset.

Right before lunchtime, I invited Emmett to go to lunch with me, but he declined saying that he had already made plans to take Rosalie out to lunch. That just left Jasper, who agreed to go since his girlfriend Alice had made plans to go to lunch with Bella, and no men were allowed.

We went to a nearby pizza place and talked for a bit about work and how I liked it at Hale Inc. Jasper was very easy to talk to. I wanted to ask him about Bella, since his girlfriend was her best friend, and I assumed that meant that he also knew her pretty well. I ended up biting my tongue and instead asked him about Alice, trying to ease my way into the topic.

"So, how long have you been with Alice now?" I asked, hoping I wasn't going too far with the personal questions.

"We've been going strong for six months now," he answered warmly, his eyes lighting up at the mention of Alice's name. It was obvious by the expression on his face that the topic of his girlfriend made him happy.

"That's great, man. I'm so glad you found someone who makes you happy. I had someone like that too, but I lost her," I offered, not sure why. I guess talking to Jasper was easier than I thought.

"Oh, what happened? Bad breakup?" Jasper asked, putting his pizza down to look directly at me.

"No man. She passed away. Cancer. Three years ago. She was my wife," I simply volunteered.

Jasper's expression changed from curious to compassionate. "Oh. I'm so sorry, dude. How long were you married?" Jasper asked.

"Five years. Five wonderful years. When she died I thought my world would end, but here I am three years later trying to start a new life. Forks just held too many memories, you know?" I kept volunteering more and more information to Jasper, unable to stop myself. I realized I was doing this out of need to talk to someone who wasn't family, or a woman I was about to fuck.

"Forks? Is that where you're from?" Jasper asked.

"Yes. It's a small town in Washington. I grew up there," I said as I slowly nibbled on my pizza.

"Well here's to new beginnings and being able to heal," Jasper said as he raised up his can of Coke. I raised mine up as well and we clinked them together as a toast. I decided not to bring up the Bella subject after all.

**~*~**

Bella had been quiet most of the afternoon as well. I'm guessing that she was trying to punish me for my rudeness by ignoring me completely. I was in a better mood after lunch and speaking to Jasper, but I was still peeved at her for ignoring me, so I gave her the silent treatment in return. She finally broke down around 4:30 when she sent me an email asking me to meet her after work because she needed to speak with me. I didn't know what exactly she had to talk to me about, but I suspected it was either to apologize for being bitchy to me most of the time, or to tell me to fuck off. Somehow I thought the latter would be most accurate.

Finally at 5 o'clock people starting leaving the office and saying their goodbyes. I watched as Bella walked past my cubicle and out the door. I was immediately confused because just half an hour ago she had asked to meet with me after work, yet end of the day came and she just walked out the office. I deliberated for a moment then finally decided to shut down my computer and leave. I was sick of playing this game.

I walked out the door and waved Fran good-bye. I was about half a block away from the subway station when I saw Bella standing on the sidewalk, in front of a grocery store, apparently waiting for me. She joined me as I walked by her without stopping.

"Hey, wait up!" Bella yelled as she struggled to keep up with me.

I slowed down my pace, giving her a chance to catch up to me. "I thought you were going to meet with me," I said, a bit annoyed at this point.

"Well, isn't that what we're doing now? I wanted to speak to you privately, so the office was out of the question," Bella answered, lifting up one of her eyebrows.

"Oh," I said, "okay, well…what did you want to talk to me about that needs to be done so privately."

When we reached the subway station, we walked down the familiar steps without saying a word. I waited for Bella to answer, but she seemed to be thinking about something real hard. She was probably waiting until we got in the train, since the subway station was pretty crowded and the murmuring was too loud for us to hear each other.

We walked all the way to the end of the platform, where it was less crowded, and Bella finally stopped and turned around to look at me.

She sighed and finally spoke. "Look, Edward. I know you must think that I am some kind of bitch or something, and I totally understand if you feel that way. I know that my behavior has been weird, to say the least, and I am well aware that I have acted inappropriately by leading you on and having sex with you."

Bella paused and I opened my mouth to say something because it seemed that she was done talking, but she held up her hand to stop me and had that look on her face again, like she was putting her thoughts in order. Finally, she spoke again.

"Edward, you're a very nice guy, but there can be nothing between us. I'm a married woman, with a child, and I must stop this mess that I've started once and for all. I'm very sorry." Bella lowered her head and became silent again.

I stood there looking at her, unable to believe what I was hearing. _What was she doing? Breaking up with me? How could she break up with me when we weren't even going out? _I was beyond confused.

"I wasn't aware that there was 'something' between us other than the sex. Whenever I tried to kiss you or touch you, you pushed me away. Are you trying to say to me that I was just your boy toy and that now you've grown tired of Me, you've decided to move on? Is that all I was to you?" I asked, glaring at her for making me feel this way.

Bella's head snapped up and she looked at me, tears welling up in her eyes. "No, that's not what I meant. That's not all it was. Please Edward, don't do this!" she begged.

"Don't do what? Tell me, Bella! All you do is talk in riddles. Why don't you take off the mask and tell me who you really are and what's really going on?" I yelled, unable to contain the flow of emotions that were rendering me weak in front of this woman.

Bella broke down. She brought her hands up to cover her face and started to sob. I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her towards the seats that were behind us, forcing her to sit down.

"Bella, talk to me!" I said, my tone more calm and apologetic.

Bella took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hands, smearing her makeup badly. I took my handkerchief out of my pocket and handed it to her. I was surprised to see that this brought a small smile to her face.

"You have a handkerchief? I didn't think men even used these anymore," she said, smiling warmly at me. The gesture somehow broke some of the tension between us.

I nodded in response and smiled back. Bella took another deep breath and started blotting the tears off her face, and then she turned to face me.

"I'm in the middle of a nasty separation from my husband and in the process of filing for divorce. My life is _really_ complicated right now. I have a daughter with him too, which makes things even more complicated. I am just not in the position to be in a relationship right now." Bella continued to look intently at me while she said this, trying to read me.

I lowered my head and nodded. I knew that Bella was married, that she had a child, and that her husband had left, but I didn't know that the problem was so bad that she was considering a divorce. I had never had a problem bad enough with Tanya that would have led me to think about divorcing her. Never. Whatever the issue was between Bella and her husband, it was obvious that it was pretty serious.

"Bella," I said as I took her hand in mine, "you don't have to worry about that with me. I know all about losing someone and being so hurt that you don't think you can go on. I would never push you into something you're not ready for. Bella, it doesn't matter to me what your situation is, because I just want you. No rules, no expectations, just you. Let me show you that I can make you feel good, and maybe, just maybe, when you start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, then you can choose whether you really want to be with me or not. For now, I won't pressure you. I will only be there to support you in whatever you need."

I realized that what I had just said to her was in fact a declaration that I really cared for her. I had not realized myself how deep my feelings for Bella were until she tried to break it off with me. I needed her so much that I didn't care that she didn't feel the same way about me. I didn't want to lose her, even though I never really had her. It was totally fucked up.

Bella averted her eyes away from me and she stared into the black space that encompassed the train tracks. "I don't know if I could ever love again. I've been hurt badly and my heart is in pieces," she finally said.

"Let me at least try. I promise you I won't be upset if you later decide that this can't work, but don't throw it away without even trying. Remember, no rules, no expectations. Just two people who need each other's company," I said, realizing that it sounded more like I was begging the more I tried to convince her.

"No rules, no expectations?" Bella finally said, her hand still in mine. She turned to look at me again and away from the train tracks, nodding in agreement and smiling.

I smiled back at her. "Come here," I said, motioning for her to scoot closer to me. She complied and I put my arm around her, holding her closer to me than she had ever been, even while having sex. She leaned her head on my shoulder and I smiled, knowing that this was a small victory because Bella was finally starting to trust me.

We sat there just like that, leaning on each other, and waiting for our train to arrive.

* * *

**A/N:** Sooooo, yeah, there's no lemon in this chapter. Sorry about that. I felt that Bella and Edward just really needed to have a good talk and get everything out in the open already in order for their relationship to move forward. So there they are now, together, but not together. Let's see where this goes.

I LOVE reviews and I would love you forever if you can leave me one ;)

The one-shot I wrote for the "I Love 80's Music Anonymous O/S Contest" is now up on my profile. I didn't win, but still I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it as well.


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